Better Than Ever 2010

       Ya, ya, I turn 30 this year! I have so many goals I want to reach, but I'm not exactly sure of what order of importance to place them in. It's been a while since I really sat  down and wrote down New Year's goals, but I seriously am going to be doing that this year! :) So, here's my list, and I may add to it as time draws closer to the New Year!

1.) Lose the rest of this WEIGHT! (yes, I will do that this year! :)

2.) Continue to prepare for my own tutoring business (I really want to do this because I miss teaching!)

3.) Start training for the NYC marathon (don't laugh because I am really serious about this! I will run this marathon one day, and I will start training to run long distance this year!)

4.) Continue to teach my family how to eat healthily, including myself :)

5.) Organize my day in my planner daily

6.) Show Josh everyday just how much he means to me by writing notes, baking cookies, etc.

7.) Spend at least an hour with each of my children, one on one, learning what they like and don't like and just getting to know them better by playing, reading, singing, being goofy etc.

8.) Joining a gym with Josh and working out to be more fit and healthy

9.) Blog more so I can one day turn it into a book for my kids

10.) Learn new healthy recipes for my family :)

Many of these goals have to do with being healthy and staying healthy, but most importantly to being healthy is being healthy spiritually. I plan to go to the next level in my Christian life, and I trust God to bring me there in His timing. God is so good all of the time, and He has great things planned for me and my family! I am excited to see what He has for us! Happy New Year, 2010, the year I turn 30 and the year I am the new me! (inside and out! :)

God Bless Sam

        I'm so proud of my brother, Sam. I remember the exact day he was born, and although I am 8 years older than him, I feel that we have a good relationship. Today, I just want to take the time to thank God for our soldiers who fight so we can be free. Soldiers who put their lives on the line everyday they are out there defending America. I want to thank God for our veterans who have fought in previous wars that we have been in the past. I think we forget that our country isn't free for no reason; there were men and women who defended it and still do. My dad is a pastor as well as my father-in-law; without these soldiers, they may not be able to pastor today. We take for granted our freedoms everyday of our lives. Most often we are selfish in our everyday living. We wake up, go to work, don't have to worry about whether or not we have to be indoors at a certain time or whether or not our food will be rationed....we simply don't stop to thank God for our freedoms, no matter how small. I have to say, the day Sam told us he joined the Army, I cried. It was with mixed emotions of course because he's my baby brother! Today, I am so proud of him. I watched him as he watched the sports' channel every time he got on his vacation over Thanksgiving. I watched as he enjoyed every bite of food because his food is horrible overseas. He loved driving his truck and playing with the family dog. I am very sure with every minute here in the USA, he was thankful. Soldiers like him make me very proud. God bless AMERICA and God bless our TROOPS!

Sometimes I Wonder

        Sometimes I wonder why it is that God brings someone across my path who truly doesn't like me as a person. They really don't have a good reason...they just don't like me. Then, I remember how Jesus walked this earth and experienced the very same thing. It wasn't just one person, but it was many persons...they had no reason to hate Him except maybe jealousy? Maybe it was just the fact that they were deceived by Satan himself. Anyway, it was there...He experienced everything mankind would experience while down here on earth.
       The thing is, why do I allow this to bother me so much? I can't really answer that question, but it does...But in all reality, maybe I am seeking approval in the all of the wrong places...I shouldn't be seeking approval from man anyways. But what if it's someone I once looked up to? What if that's the person who seems to not be able to stand to look me in the eyes anymore? It still shouldn't matter. Approval should come from God...I can't live to please people because I am human and will fail in this area. I only know that I hurt when this happens, and I search my own heart to see where I've gone wrong...if I have gone wrong in some place, I ask God's forgiveness and simply go on. When I become down in this area of my life, I simply think of Jesus and how He experienced the same thing, yet He loved. Thank you, Jesus, for Your example to me.

Continual Change

       I am a girl who continually changes...for the better. The way I see it, I am an unfinished product continually changing in my life. I see things that need improvement. The one thing that I see at this current time in my life is unconditional love. I seriously don't think that too many people really know how to practice this, and in no way can it be perfected without the Holy Spirit's leading and guidance. I was talking to my dad, and I asked him how it was that he seemed to have more of a passion for Christianity than the average person. He said it was because he couldn't live without God...he said to me, "Maybe you can, Elizabeth, but I can't. I know I can't do anything in my own power." That struck me to my inner core. How is it that we, as Christians, think that we can do something without God? How is it that we've become so proud in our everyday lives that God gets pushed to the back burner. We reach out to Him only when we need something...we fall on our faces when we know that we are floundering or failing. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe we fall so much is because it's just not the way we are supposed to be living the Christian life, living alone and without God's help? No, I don't think God brings us to these points just for that reason...instead, we bring ourselves to that point...that is the consequence for living "alone."
       Back to unconditional love...what is unconditional love? I have tried to define it many many times in many different ways. I can't define it. I can feel it through my Saviour. Not too many people on this earth practice it, but when you meet someone who does, it's not only rare, it's anointed and holy. I do know what it isn't...it isn't saying, "I love you," and then being unforgiving and not letting go of the past. It isn't writing, "I love you," and then expecting some reciprocation. It isn't saying you love someone and then constantly telling them what they did or didn't do that week. It isn't seeing someone fall and letting them stay there. It isn't saying, "I'll pray for you," and not meaning it and never doing it. It isn't saying, "I'm here for you. If you need anything, let me know," and then when the need comes to your attention, giving every excuse in the book as to why you can't really help. It isn't judging someone and not admitting that it's judging but instead telling them it is because of love. Friend, that isn't unconditional love! It isn't gossiping about a person by telling the person you are speaking to, "We should pray for so and so because of...." Why do we think that's okay? Why do we think that we have any right to tell someone something about someone else on the act of a "prayer request?" It's not a prayer request...it's another form of gossip! Let me stop here for a minute and say that we've all been guilty of these things including me! I'm not writing for one particular person...if anything, I am listing for myself what I truly believe unconditional love ISN'T!
       So, what IS unconditional love? I really don't know the exact definition, but I do know ONE person who truly lived that life and that was Jesus Christ, Himself. He was the perfect example. He walked this earth, and boy, did He have enemies! If anyone was mistreated, it was Him. People misunderstood Him! He never answered someone when they tried to pick an argument with Him. He loved the harlot that the Pharisees brought to Him. My favorite phrase in that story was, "Let him that is without sin cast the first stone." Seriously, we aren't better than any one single person down here on Earth. He loved the sinner yet hated the sin. Even on the cross, His famous words, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do!" He forgave these men that beat him beyond recognition...these men who spit in His face...these men who denied who He really was. Can we do this? It's humanly impossible, my Friend! It really is. We cannot truly forgive someone without the help of God! I know I can't. I have come  to terms with some things in my life that has happened to me in the past, and I can't move forward without God's help. It's humanly impossible. Even in my darkest moments, I couldn't deny that God's very presence with me. Even as my tears fell many nights and no one knew the excruciating pain my heart was in, God still was there and loved me unconditionally. Even when I felt as if no one would truly love me again, He NEVER stopped loving me. So, can I define this unconditional love? Well, maybe not to the best of my ability, but I can point to Someone who practiced it down here on Earth and who still practices it daily in my life.
       Continual change...something we should be doing down here. We haven't arrived! There is SO much to learn each and every day of our lives! So, don't stop working on the inside as well as the outside. You will be a better person for it!

It's 1:21 AM

        Let go, don't hold on

It's not worth the pain

It's not worth the sacrifice

Of a broken heart

Let the tears flow

And wash away the hurt

Breathe deeply

Just let it go

Hold nothing back

Walk into the light

Set yourself free

Extend your heart

For in the end

Freedom reigns

True love prevails

Everything else falls away.

       

Healthy is Spiritual

       I am not a health fanatic, but this year, I have learned more about my body than all of the other 27 years of my life. I have to say that I had alot of health issues this year, but through it all, I learned quite a few things. Not only do we need to work on the spiritual part of us, but we should always be working on the physical side as well. God put us down here for a reason, and we should be as healthy as we can to do His will.
       Well, I've been going to a health-food store in Martinsburg, and the one lady there has been super helpful. I can ask her any question, and she not only answers me but also shows me out of a book that was written by a doctor! Anyway, this lady has been through so much physically. She has fibromyalgia, asthma and various other problems. She told me she went to doctor after doctor and had test after test done. Then she was able to get this job at this health-food store. She said her last doctor knew what to do for her, and he was even telling her of these herbs and vitamins to take. He even suggested she join a gym to help with the fibromyalgia. At first, she was majorly reluctant, but in the end, she gave in because the pain was severe. Looking at her today, you'd never know she was ill or had a disease! She told me that she was on 3 inhalers, and now, she doesn't need anything of the sort. Also, she used to be in so much pain from the fibromyalgia that she couldn't get out of bed. Now, she walks and moves easily with no pain. I basically told her that I was done getting sick and that I needed to boost my immune system. I already kind of knew the minerals and vitamins that I was looking for, but she was able to help me tremendously.
       I've been taking Acai now since May, and it has helped me with my weight loss and inflammation of my joints like my fingers. I started taking silver yesterday. I've heard so much about it, and after reading about it and researching, I decided to try it. It's called Sovereign Silver, and it's an immune supportive supplement. It is completely natural and easily absorbed in the system. Not convinced yet? Well, I could feel myself getting sick again yesterday. Maybe I was just feeling some stress because of some personal things going on, but I was feeling pretty raunchy....I started taking it around 4 PM yesterday, and by 4 PM today when I took my third dose for the day, I was feeling very good. I don't feel sickly anymore! I can't believe it, but I am totally convinced. You can safely take it up to 7x a day, but you really don't need to do that unless you have a terminal disease. I have been taking it 5x a day so far because that's the dosage you would take if you are sick or feel like you are getting sick. I eventually will be taking it 3x a day until flu and cold season is over. Then I can maintain my immune system. I also bought a vitamin that's good for me and my kids. It's called Astragalus. This vitamin can be taken in capsules or liquid. I've found that liquid is always the best way to take vitamins because your body doesn't have to work as hard to break it all down. It goes right to your system. Astragalus is a helpful vitamin that fights against the flu. It is safe for your children to take as well. I bought the one that is better tasting for children. Also, I've started taking double and triple doses of Emergen-C. This, too, is also liquid and easily absorbed.
       Just because I take all of this, doesn't make me better than anyone else. It's not necessary for someone to do something just because I do it. I just know myself, and I know  that I need to be a healthier, better me so I can thoroughly enjoy the life that God has given me. So far, I have maintained my weight loss of 40, now 41 pounds as of this morning! I started counting my points again today, and I am so excited to be a healthier me for me and my family's sake. I teach my children to make better food choices even though they are young. I'm not a mean mom, not allowing them to have candy or chips. I do allow them to eat some junk food, but I've taught them to love fruit. Vegetables are just a common dislike among children, but I still feed it to them because it's good for them. I love it that my JW asks for a banana, and Charity is always asking for an apple! I don't allow them to drink soda very often. I really shouldn't allow them to drink it at all because it will do nothing but rot their teeth out and cause problems later on in life. Soda is like osteoporosis in a can....the carbonation in the soda whether regular or diet, has ingredients that eat away at your bones. I just found that out recently; so, I've decided to stick to my water and healthy teas!
       Yes, healthy is spiritual. There is no need to be overweight and out of control. I say this with my head held high because I am on my way to losing all of this weight! It makes me feel good about myself and confident that what I am doing is right. I don't write this to brag...I write this as an insight that I've recently discovered! Why keep all of this knowledge to myself???!!!! Why not share "the wealth?" I plan on helping as many people as I can because this is something that most people just don't know. I can in turn help someone like I have been helped!

Judge NOT

       Sometimes a person comes into your life who really believes it is their mission in life to try and change you as a person. I think at some point in our lives, we are all guilty in this area. The only thing is, if you never really recognize that in yourself, you are not only hurting the other person, you also are hurting yourself. I have had different people come into my life who thought it was their lot in life to try and change me. I can't sit here and be angry at them, but I can learn from the situation and move on in my life. I believe that I am not going to truly understand why they act the way they do, but if I dwell on it too long, I will be behaving the same exact way that they are behaving. I hate how the conversation may come up like, "I just wanted you to know I'm concerned...." or "I just want to get this off my chest..." or the classic, "I prayed about this, and now I'm talking to you...." This is unacceptable behavior as a Christian! It isn't our place to point out someone else's faults! Instead, we are to encourage and pray for people. It is our duty to LOVE our neighbor as ourselves. If we don't, we are sinning against our God by breaking His second greatest commandment! So, before you decide to approach someone and tell them what you think of their actions or way of life, think about yourself and how God died for you! I love the verse that talks about looking at the beam in your own eye instead of the splinter in your friend's. I think it's time we, as Christians, start to really and truly show LOVE. LOVE suffereth long and kind......I'm preaching to myself as well. LOVE forgives...LOVE does not approach people with the wrongs that they have done but places a loving arm around them and encourages them. So, don't judge...and you won't be judged.

He IS

        I have to say that I have really been through alot this year, 2009, yet as I look back, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is a God in Heaven Who has NEVER left my side. Recently, I heard a song on the radio, HE IS, and the words really spoke everything that I have been feeling. Yes, there were times throughout the year when I felt so low and down in the dumps; there were times when I felt as if no one really cared let alone thought of me. Those thoughts were not my thoughts...they were fiery darts of Satan himself. I know that God would not place such thoughts into my mind because God is the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
         I would be lying if I told you that I came through all of this without complaining once; if I came through all of this and didn't lay there and wonder where God was....but I would also be lying if I didn't tell you that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is good ALL of the time. "Even when it feels like there is no one holding me, be still my soul, be still and know....HE IS." I believe I can be a help to someone else on down the road who is going through similar situations.
        My daughter and I are getting over the swine flu, and as the news would have you to believe that it's deadly, it's really not as deadly as it sounds. Yes, if you have some pre-existing conditions, it could cause some complications. You will feel like dying, yes, because let's face it, the flu makes anyone feel like dying. I don't know anyone who has been sick that says, "Oh that was nothing." I can say that I wouldn't take the tamiflu offered to me, yet I gave it to my daughter who in turn is kicking it MUCH faster than her stubborn mom! :) People panic; that's for sure! We've had people who didn't even want my husband around because they thought he was carrying it! I laugh at such paranoia! I mean, it's me and Charity who are sick, not him! So, how could he give it to someone else! I think the news media feeds off of hysteria anymore...think about it...there have been all of these reports of deaths and complications from this swine flu, yet the whole story hasn't been told: people die every year from the flu, in general...and these people who have died had other health problems. So, there it is! We are fine! We've experienced this "plague" and have survived! :)
        My God is in control; He responds according to His spoken Word. Through all of this I have learned to draw closer to Him. He is my best friend because He has never failed me like many humans have failed me due to their sinful nature. He will always remain the One I go to for everything in my life. HE IS.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

HE IS

Father, let the world just fade away

Let me feel your presence in this place

Lord, I've never been so weary

How I need to know you're near me

Father, let the world just fade away

Till I'm on my knees

Till my heart can sing

He is

He was

He always will be

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me

Be still, my soul

He is

Father, let your Holy Spirit sing

Let it calm the storm inside of me

As I stand amazed

Lift my hands and say

He is

He was

He always will be

He lives

He loves

He's always with me

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me

Be still, my soul

Through every fear

And every doubt

And every tear I shed

Down every road

I'm not alone

No matter where I am

He is

He was

And He always will be

He lives

He loves

He's always with me

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me

Be still, my soul

Be still, and know

Be still, my soul

He is.

~Mark Schultz~

In Loving Memory

       I received this poem yesterday. It was written by my father-in-law in honor of his daddy who went on to Glory just a few short weeks ago. It's been a while since I've heard a poem that brought tears to my eyes every single time I heard it. I had no idea that my own husband's dad could write poetry; when I found out, it did my heart good because I am writer, a poet, an artist at heart. I thought I would post this poem for all to read. The words are powerful, the message is clear, the flow is smooth, and the meaning brings tears. Enjoy.

In Loving Memory

William Darrell Hamm, Sr. 

1930-2009

Oh hands so big and arms so strong

That swung the hammer and pushed the saw

And many a structure his skill made known

Provided on earth for us a home

Same hands have held the sacred book

And turned its pages to take a look

And built a home in glory land

Following the blessed Saviour’s Plan

Oh feet so sure, Oh legs so stout

Has followed the path the Saviour laid out

And climbed each mountain though tall and steep

Has crossed the valleys some long, some deep

So many have followed his steps so clear

And found the Saviour he loved so dear

They climbed the hills and crossed the plains

And to the cross, so glad they came

Oh arms so long and shoulders broad

Have reached around and hugged us all

And carried our burdens to throne alone

To give them to Jesus who helped us with love

Oh mind so keen and eyes so bright

That voice so gentle so strong and right

Has guided many to the Saviour’s love

And told us all of heaven above

So rest now body, so frail so weak

You housed a soul and spirit so meek

Now gone to heaven and there to stay

But someday return a dawning of day

So sleep now body beneath the sod

It won’t be long from heaven above

A Shout! A Trumpet! Will sound the call

Awake, arise to meet us all

That day to heaven take thy flight

In honor and power, in strength and might

To live forever with loved ones dear

Who trusted in Jesus, His salvation so clear

W.D. Hamm, Jr, his son

The Biggest Loser

    I thought I would give an update on my weight-loss journey. I have come a long way, but I couldn't have done it without the help of my Father, Jesus. I have struggled for years with my weight, but it became worse once I had both of my children. Then my gall-bladder slowed my whole system down. Now that it is removed, everything is recovering and starting to work properly. To date, I have lost 44 pounds. I cannot give myself the credit, for I could never have come this far without my God, my husband, my parents and my friend, Tanya. All of this support has given me the strength to continue; that and the fact that I was really sick for 10 months and knew that my way of living had to change. I still am working on this every single day of my life. I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I not only feel better about myself, I feel better, period. I am not on a diet; I have changed my way of eating, totally changed. People may make fun of me for eating veggie burgers or they may try to get me to eat things that are not good for me, but I continue to stay strong in my resolve. In the end, I am THE BIGGEST LOSER...I am strong, and I will continue to fight and I will win.

Various Thoughts on Life

       I found the song, "Go Rest High on That Mountain" a little over two years ago when Mamaw Hamm went Home to Glory. It only seemed fitting that the song was sung when Papaw went to meet her. I sit here tonight and listen to it and cry.
       I was told that Grandma Wetzl's apartment was packed up a few weeks ago, and that she even forgot who my mom was when they went to visit her not long after. My, I must say that I treasure life more now than ever as I get older. I never knew my Grandpa Wetzl as he passed away when I was only a year old. I am forever grateful that I will see him someday even though my memories of him down here are not there; I only see pictures of him holding me.
       I am missing my family something terrible today. I talked to my brother, Sam, online last night. He had just gotten back from a mission over there in Afghanistan. He's coming home on November 15, and I will be there to greet him in person...life is too precious to waste time with excuses. Grab the one next to you and hold them tight. Hold close your little one; laugh and play...it doesn't matter how old you are. You'll always have that kid in your heart somewhere. I talked to my daddy for over an hour this afternoon. He is so wise; he is constantly teaching me something new in my life and I owe so much to him. I may be rambling on and on, but sometimes my mind goes so fast that my fingers have a hard time catching up! :) Anyways, I miss my sister too; she is so easy-going and laid back. I think she'd love it if she went with me sometime further south in the mountains of WV. It'd be a new place for her, but she loves adventure. I just know that she would have something to say about all of the "rednecks" as she calls most people with cowboy boots and hats! I must say, all of us, Wetzls, haven't been in the same place together since Thanksgiving 2003! That's way too long if I do say so myself! I plan on making an extra effort to make it so we are all together this November! We are going to take pictures and make memories because life is too short to waste just saying you miss someone...you must go and be with them!
       I have to go and see my grandma too...I miss her so much, and it makes me sad that I just can't call her old number anymore.  And my Grandma Tirado is going to Puerto Rico for the winter; I can't wait to see her as well! I miss her, too, so much along with Grandpa Tirado...I miss my aunts, uncles cousins, etc. I miss the tree-lined streets of McDonald, the simpleness of the area...the slow-paced driving as compared to the fast-paced recklessness in this area...I miss jumping in the car with my dad and going to IGA for something my mom forgot to buy. I miss their dog, Jack...he is so full of character, it's almost as if he's my little brother! Seeing that the fall is my favorite season, those tree-lined streets will be beautiful! I have friends ask me why I miss Ohio...I must say it wouldn't be the same without my family there, that's for sure. It's where I grew up; it's full of memories of my childhood. I love walking to the park and sitting in the gazebo where I spent hours writing and thinking as a teen, the same gazebo where we had our wedding pictures taken. I miss walking up Pennsylvania Ave., passing the Dairy Queen and thinking of the LARGE butter-finger blizzard my brother always bought and gulped down as we walked down Ohio Ave! :) I miss my bike because it was the way that I got around town and knew every nook and cranny of our town. I miss the tennis courts where me and my sis, JoJo, attempted to play tennis many a summer afternoon or evening after work. I miss sitting near the fire-station and being scared out of my skin as the horn went off to alert the volunteer firemen! I think I miss all of the winters as well because we don't get as much snow around here! I never was aloud to drive in it when I did live in Ohio; so my brother and sister have something over on me! I just miss Mill Creek Park where we went to that giant hill, sled down it for hours and barely made it back to our cars because we were so stiff and cold!
       These are just a few of my various thoughts these last couple of days. I plan on picking up my guitar and piano again really soon. Music is apart of my life as well as my writing. I'm finding time these days to do the things I love...spending time with my children and my husband. Life is good, and I am blessed.

Legacy

       Pastor William Darrell Hamm, Sr. was born on May 24, 1930 and went home on September 6, 2009. He was a pastor for 45 years of his life, and he served our country in the Army fighting in the Korean War. On September 8, 2009, we laid him to rest at the top of a mountain right next to our Mamaw Hamm. The sun was shining as if God was smiling down, and as we reached the top, we saw a deer off to the side. It was a tear-filled memorable service not only honoring a veteran but also a great preacher of the Word. Uncle Mitch sang, "Go Rest High on That Mountain" as we cried tears of sadness and rejoicing. I lost it when I saw the Christian flag draping the coffin because that was Papaw...a true Christian in every sense of the word. Then, right beside his head was the American flag; his hands were clutching the old black Book that he preached from for years. I have to say that Papaw Darrell was one of the best Christians that I have ever met in my whole 29 years of life. He knew what the word "LOVE" meant; he also knew what it meant to live by example. I kept thinking that I am forever grateful that we named our little boy after him, Joseph WILLIAM DARRELL. Papaw left behind a legacy to not only his grandchildren but his great-grandchildren and generations to come. I am blessed to have known him and to have the memories that I do. I am thankful to be called his grand-daughter, even if it was by marriage; he treated me as if I was his own. I love you Papaw Darrell; your legacy will live on in my life and I will be sure that your great-grandchildren, Charity and JW will know about you and Mamaw. "Go rest high on that mountain until we meet again in glory..."

Decisions

Decisions are very much a part of life. Most of the time, they really aren't fun to make because you start to second-guess yourself. I am learning to wait on the Lord this time around. Sometimes, my mind wants to rush things, but my heart says to slow down. I know that everything will work out the way it's supposed to when the time is right. Sometimes, this waiting can make you think that nothing is going to happen, that everything will hang in limbo forever. But as life has shown me in the past, that most likely will not be the case.
I have this gift that I've had now since I was about 16, and that is, I kind of can "see" the future. No, I'm not psychic, but I remember telling everyone that I would go to college and meet the man of my dreams; I then told people that I would be married the summer of 2003. Both of those things came true. Right around the time I started to date my future husband, I knew in my heart that I was about to meet him. I started fasting every single Tuesday and pray that I would be ready and he'd be ready for me. Not even two months after that, we started dating. I just knew that I'd meet him soon, and it happened. No, I'm not crazy! Also, both days that I had my children, I knew when I woke up that morning that I would be going into labor by evening and my babies would be entering the world. This time, I know in my heart of hearts that I am about to reach the next level in my life. I know that our lives will be changing, for the better, to a higher plain in learning and growing. I believe God has been preparing us for this moment, this life decision.
I refuse to become bitter or angry at anyone in this process. I only know that I will not miss it; I will be ready. So, these decisions will be made soon....just don't know exactly when. Until then, like the artist said in his song, While I'm Waiting, "While I'm waiting, I will serve you...."

Temper Tantrums and Computers

So, I'm having what I thought was a normal morning until I picked up a glass of water and tripped on my JW's monster trucks sending the cup and water flying in the air and onto my laptop. I wasn't a very happy camper, but I remembered that I had bought the one-year waranty from Best Buy when I bought the computer in February. Thank the Lord that I decided to do that, too, or I'd be out of a laptop because I'm not buying another one or paying to have it fixed!
We get to Best Buy and end up having to stand in line forever. My kids were being angels, but then it got to the point where the "Geek Squad" was taking forever! We finally were next, and the technician takes a look at my computer and tries to shove the cord into the side so he can plug it in. All of the sudden, he is telling me my chord is no good because the prong inside is bent! I sternly told him that it wasn't like that when I packed it up this morning and brought it in. He insisted that it was, and we went back and forth a little bit before he finally admitted he was the one shoving the chord into my computer and it was his fault. So, thankfully, they are sending it off to be "gutted" and re-done with a new motherboard and plug. I'm thankful that I still have my desk-top because that's how I've been looking for jobs...online on my laptop!
So, we are done, and I told my kids since they were good, we would go and get a movie or something. I pick one out that was on sale, and we were about to check-out and JW takes the movie and throws it down and says, "I DON'T WANT IT!" So, I say, "Ok, then, let's go," take the movie, put it back in the bin and start to leave with my kids in tow. About this time, JW thinks he is getting "the raw end of the deal" and begins kicking and screaming all the way to the car. People stop and stare and some even laugh and say things like, "Awe, how cute!" or "He's adorable!" I'm not really thinking so as I continue to the van. He continued to kick and scream as I drove down the road, throwing his Plex and making a ruckus...I had had enough, so I pulled over in the Home Depot parking lot and had a talk with the little man! Needless to say, he's been an angel ever since!
I can't wait for the day when my kids can go out in public and not throw fits and let the world know just how they feel. The only thing is, they don't pull many of those stunts at home...just out in public! Wow, a day in the life of a mom! :)

Waiting...

I've been "playing" this waiting game for the past 4 1/2 years of my life, and each and every day I am reminded to just be patient and keep on waiting because God has His perfect timing in our lives. Almost 5 years ago, I had a severe awakening in my life, and my world was traumatically shaken to my very core. It was at that point in my life that I had to make a choice...a choice I believe did take me in the direction that I am currently taking. I had a choice to stay bitter, angry and sick with grief. I am human, so I wasn't perfect in that area, but through time, I realized that I could go on in life and it would be okay. I decided through all of that to stay close to my God. I poured over the pages of His Words with many a tear falling down my face. Through counselling with two great people of God, I was able to heal with time. Now, it's just been waiting time...a time to wait on God to show me and my family the path we are to take. Yes, I still become frustrated because I think that the answers should just come naturally and quickly, but then I am gently reminded to just wait on the Lord...I must say that waiting, has been teaching me patience...it has tried my faith and it has made me a stronger person. Sometimes God just wants us to learn a few things in life...sometimes, we just need to mature as a person and learn the "love walk" before we can move on. I know that I have come a long way because I know that I am not the same person that I was 10 years ago. I see where I have changed for the better, but I also know that I am still a "work in progress." I thank my God for His gently patience and love to me everyday of my life. Now, I'm still patiently waiting....what does He have in store?

Dear God,

My heart cries out to YOU tonight as my heart is heavy with the sadness in my family this evening. My Uncle Rick passed away last night; I didn't realize he had bad health. All that I know is he is my aunt's second husband to pass away suddenly in the past 6 years. Also, my heart is heavy for my friend, Mary....her 15 year old boy was flown to Baltimore Thursday with second and third degree burns. She was so beside herself. I can't stand it when people are hurting, especially my family and friends. It feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I don't know how to express grief sometimes....all I know to do is cry and write, write until my fingers stop and my heart is at peace. God, I don't know how to help the hurting....Aunt Barb has lost four husbands to death...I can't imagine to love four times let alone lose that love of your life four times. God, You must have a special place in Heaven for her....take good care of her tonight, God. I wish I could be with her...with the family. Oh God, please, I beg of You....let my family know You're there tonight....that you are the Biggest Presence in the room. Wrap your arms around them, around Aunt Barb. Wrap your arms around Mary and her son, Adam. He is in so much pain....I can't imagine...I know Mary is beside herself because she can't help Adam but she wishes she could. She, too, has suffered alot in her life. I want to help the hurting, and I don't know how....I just don't know how....help me to know how.............................AMEN.

You Are GOD Alone

Last Thursday morning, my dad, mom, Jojo and jack left my house here in WV. I was distraught because time spent with them makes me remember just how much fun they are and how much I love them. I decided to go for a walk, a fast one at that. I took my MP3 player and the song, "You Are God Alone" began playing. Tears came to my eyes, and I couldn't stop crying; so, I began running as fast as I could. (mind you, I haven't really run since I was in my earlier 20s) I just ran and ran as tears blurred my vision. Why? Because sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by everything. I am trying to desperately find a job, and Josh just started a second job this week. I hate that he has to do that. I was miserable because all I wanted was to be near my family especially when I felt so all alone here in WV.
But Saturday, I decided to go to DC with my church and participate in our big soul-winning marathon. I hadn't done a marathon since I was in college about 6 years ago. It proved to be worth every minute spent in our nation's capital. I hadn't been to DC since I was a Senior in high school (about 10 years ago), and then, I only visited the historical sights. I hadn't been to the outskirts where the projects lay. We were divided up into many, many teams. My team consisted of 8 people, divided into groups of 2. Me and my partner, Crystal, had a bit of a rough start. For about the first hour and a half, we met person after person who either were too busy, wanted nothing to do with us, or insisted they were good people and that's all they needed. I must admit, I felt down because I couldn't remember my previous soul-winning experiences being so stinkin' hard. Granted, we were the only white people in the area. That didn't bother me, but we ran into Muslims, drunks, scary men, etc. Not one time did I feel threatened. (before you wonder, we had two men in our group who constantly kept an eye of our all of us ladies but MOST of all, GOD was with us) All I felt was the oppression of the WICKED ONE. I knew he didn't want us there, let alone talk to anyone. Finally, we saw a break-through and we couldn't stop winning people to the Lord. I talked to many adults. I believe the youngest I spoke to was about 12 or 13. Crystal, on the other hand, talked to many children's groups along with adults. She ended up winning 16 and won the flag for the ladies' on our bus. I saw 10 people come to know the Lord. I had many thank me over and over for coming there and telling them how they can go to Heaven. I wrote each of their names in my New Testament, and I hope to remember each one of them as each one sweetly came to the realization that they needed Heaven. This day proved to lift my spirit incredibly. I felt as if I was walking on clouds. I give all of the glory and praise to the Holy Spirit Who went before us and kept us safe from all accidents and harm. I believed that God' divine protection was on us that day; for, as we were leaving, down the hill came a multitude of Muslim priests and followers in their turbans and robes. We also passed three accidents without a hold-up in traffic. A bus broke down on the way back, and we were able to take some of the teenage boys back with us. No one knew this, but I plead the blood of Jesus over our bus that morning. I rebuked Satan in the name of Jesus to stay away from our team, bus, bus driver, and called for God's angels to surround us in safety. I honestly believe that we were surrounded that day with a super-natural power that no one can explain but the soul-winners that prayed. I felt God's presence, much more powerful than any demonic force. Even the lady that yelled hateful words to me and my partner, I felt just bounced off my spirit. I didn't allow the mean words to hurt me, but prayed that somehow some way, she would be saved in the future. Even the two teenage boys who kept yelling, "Hey, sexy lady!" got saved because I walked right up to them. I felt if they wanted my attention, I'd at least tell them how to go to Heaven. Right before they prayed, the one boy told me his real name. I could tell he felt badly for tricking us. My God is real, and my faith is stronger. Thank you, Jesus!

In Moderation

So, I've begun to realize that some things in life aren't meant to be taken too "overboard." Since my gallbladder removal almost a month ago, I've come to realize that sometimes, your body just has to heal and adjust especially when something major has taken place! This is not like having a baby. Yes, your body does need to adjust after giving birth, but this gallbladder removal has been a totally different experience for me. At times, I have felt that I have been all alone in what I have been feeling; then I talk to someone who knows exactly how I felt and how I am now feeling. I think that sometimes, I want to be "snap of the fingers" better overnight, but time is healing and healing takes time. I am not happy about how I allowed myself to become so out of shape and massive in weight gaining, but I can use this experience to help others. To this date, I have lost 38 pounds and counting because I am nowhere near being done. I just need to remind myself that weight loss MUST be done in moderation just as eating food must be done in the same manner. I am not sure if I have this whole thing down pat, but for now, I continually ask God for wisdom in my everyday choices and continue to keep going even when I feel down. I must remember that everything happens for a reason, and I give God the glory for how He has done a great work in my life. Each day is a learning experience, and I hope to be of a help to someone on down the road at some point. I'm not sure who exactly reads my blogs, but keep me posted on any comments or suggestions you might have. I am a girl open and ready to learn new and wonderful things that God has in store for me. For today, I learned, all things are to be done in moderation.

The Race Is Not to The Swift

I was reminded this weekend of a powerful verse in the Bible, and I plan to lay ahold of it's truth. Ecclesiastes 9:11 says, "I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all." I read and re-read that verse, and within it, I found the power to continue on the path that I have chosen. You see, at times, I begin to become frustrated because I have been attempting to find a full-time job for the last 8 or 9 months, one that I will love and become stable. I also was very sick for that amount of time, and just am now beginning to regain my strength and confidence within myself. Today, amidst my frustrations, a powerful statement came back to my mind which says, "The works of the flesh equal frustration." Wow! Think about that statement for a minute! If we are truly frustrated in our life, in some way, we are living in the flesh and not walking in the Spirit. I continually try to remind myself that God is not the author of confusion.
You may be popular; you may have a whole lot of money; you may have multiple talents. But, I am in no way deterred because I truly believe the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong. I have potential just like any other person on the face of this earth. I am an author; I am a writer. I love to write what's on my heart. I am an artist at heart. I can feel what you are feeling because I have learned to empathize with the broken hearted. I don't write this to brag. I just write this to tell the world, I believe in myself. For once in my life, I really truly believe in myself and how my writings will affect the world.

Something to Ponder

As you know, there have been many deaths these past few weeks of many famous people. The number one death has been Michael Jackson, and as all Americans know, this has been drug on for over a week with a swirl of questions concerning what really happened. I think we should just allow him to rest in peace and his family to grieve. I realize that many people were fans, but along with that, there are many who didn't care for him. I say that he was a human just like you and me; only, he was in the "limelight" constantly. All I'm trying to say is this, it doesn't matter if you are rich or famous or if you aren't known by anyone, we all will stand before our Creator one day and account for what we have and haven't done down here on Earth. Who are we to say what we each should or shouldn't do on this Earth? I say, look into your own heart and decide what it is that you were created to do while here on Earth. It does matter if you've come to the place where you realize you are a sinner and accept God's gift to mankind, His Son's pure blood, to wash away our sin and cover us from condemnation. After that, it's between you and God what you will do with this life He has graciously given to you. Yes, some of us, humans, will receive more recognition than others in our life and death, but that shouldn't be something that we strive for. We should constantly be striving to please our God; we should worship God in the way that we seem fit. We should strive to love each other as ourselves because that is the second commandment; the first is to love God with all of our soul, heart and might.
So, many famous people have passed away, but on the flip side, somebody lost a father, a mother, a sister, a brother, a son or a daughter. Our soldier boys are overseas fighting a war...a mom is dying of cancer...a small child is being diagnosed with an incurable disease...a brother is being told that he doesn't have long to live...pain is all around us. It doesn't have to always be a famous man dying...it can also be our next-door neighbor. What are we going to do about it? How are we going to make a difference? How are we going to be remembered? I want to be remembered as a person who loved everybody. That should be my legacy. I want to be known as one who writes what's on my heart to influence thousands and millions, even. I really believe my writings will eventually reach the world, but most importantly, I strive to love my neighbor as myself. What is your legacy?

I LOVE You

I love you with all of my heart, my soul, my mind. Sometimes when I look at you, I see an angel, an answer so long ago to a prayer. I can't stay mad at you because it's not worth staying mad at myself, for we are one. Together we can conquer the world. It was once said that love conquers all; so, I would say that our love can conquer kingdoms, provinces, worlds. I love you as far as the north is from the south. I look deep into your eyes, and I see my soul, I see myself because our worlds are intertwined, so strong, nothing can break this bond. I thought I understood love 7 years ago, but now, I don't think I've even begun to really understand it. I would say that love would be waking up 50 years later, knowing that we've been together longer than any other relationship in our lives, knowing each other's faults yet understanding that we each are human, and in love we can stay together forever. Do you think you can find it? Do you think you can find such love? I know that I have, and I've just begun to understand the capacity of my heart. I've only tipped the iceberg. I will love you as long as eternity and beyond, for you are my other half, and forever you will be apart of my soul. I LOVE You.

A Healthier You

Recently I was diagnosed with gallstones and was set to have my gallbladder taken out on the 18th of May. At first, it seemed surreal to me. As my surgery date grew closer, I realized that I hadn't done my research, and that I needed to find out if surgery really was my only option. I knew that it wasn't "life or death"; so, I decided to talk to a friend who had her gallbladder removed about 5 years ago. She actually told me to call this other girl in our church who had similar problems a few years ago; in actuality, she told me it would be better to not have my gallbladder taken out unless I really had to do so. Prior to calling my friend, I had asked God to just give me wisdom to know what to do. I was completely torn, and I felt like I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life. I do believe that God brought me to the right people.
Through all of this, I learned that the gallbladder is a necessity in our body. God didn't just give it to us to sit there and do nothing. Our liver's job is to produce about 1 1/2 quarts of bile a day, and the gallbladder acts as the storage tank for this bile. This bile is what helps break down our food in the digestion process. People who have their gallbladder removed often still have the same problems later on in life because the liver is still producing this bile. When we eat fatty foods, the bile is emptied into the small intestine to break the fat down. Our tubes that lead to the gallbladder are often clogged from this fat, and little cholesterol balls are formed. Naturally, they end up in the gallbladder and in the ducts leading to it. When the gallbladder is gone, those stones still have to go somewhere, and often your liver will begin to be bogged down with the stones. Thus, it cannot produce the bile needed in digestion, and we begin to feel bloated. All of this can lead to heart disease and various other complications. The gallstones are full of bacteria that affects our health in various ways including allergies, asthma, mono, back and shoulder pain, and so much more.
I learned by talking to my friend and researching that there are safe ways to rid ourselves of these stones without surgery. I know that some people thought I was crazy and some agreed with me wholeheartedly. In the end, I decided to do this cleanse a few weeks ago. I felt so much better afterwards! The cleanse is meant to be done as many times as needed to totally rid yourself of these "cholesterol ball" also known as gallstones. Of course, a week in between each time is wise due to the intensity of the cleanse. I have already done this cleanse once, and I plan to do it again. I honestly believe that I am on my way to a healthier way of living. I have changed my diet completely, and this time I am not turning back. I didn't realize that I was setting myself up for a myriad of health problems and diseases, and I plan on living to see my grand-children and great- grand-children. I plan on teaching my own family to eat properly. I don't plan on being a health fanatic, but I do plan on becoming as healthy as I can so I can serve my God with my whole heart, BODY and soul! We need a healthy body in order to survive down here! Why don't you plan on making today the day that you decide to become a "HEALTHIER YOU!"

No Greater Talent

God has given each and everyone of us a special talent to be used for His glory. I believe that we were created for a specific reason, and if we are not using what He has given us, we are wasting our precious time here on Earth. I know that we were created to glorify Him, but we also have a purpose. Only you would know what your true purpose is in this life. If we don't use our talent, we could lose it, and that is very sad. I don't plan on losing my talents. Looking back over my life, I see that I have several talents of which one is writing. If I were to stop writing, I would gradually lose my ability. I keep my fingers flying across the keyboard whether it be writing an encouraging note or simply writing down what is on my heart for that day. I also have a musical talent, and I plan on expanding that within these next few years. I believe that since I can write poetry, I can also write music. Already, I have written a few songs with my sister's help, but I have more to pen. I make this a goal for the rest of my life. I don't plan on keeping my writings to myself because I believe with my talent, I can bless many people's lives. There is no greater talent than the one that is sitting in your lap. Use it; don't let it die.

Holy is the LAMB!

My heart is overwhelmed this morning, but I am reminded of God's promises. His Word never lies, and His Word will come to pass in my life. Sometimes, I feel so alone, and then I am reminded that I have a GREAT GOD Who is always there by my side, an AWESOME God Who will never leave me or forsake me. His mercies are new every morning. My God loves me, and no matter what I have done, He will always forgive me.
So, I take a minute to praise His holy name. I take a second to raise my hands to the heavens and thank Him for giving me life. I lift my tear-stained face as I fall to my knees in adoration because He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He WAS and IS and IS TO COME. He is my everything in this life. Without Him, I am nothing. I can't live a day without my God because that's what I have learned. If I try to live without Him, I fail every single time. I am free to be me. I am free to love my God. I thank Him for my religious freedom, and if it were ever taken away, I could not hide what He means to me. I would stand up and show my children that He is worthy of my love and praise.
I think we, as Christians, think that if we praise our God, that we are being too charismatic, but if you really stop and think about it, we will be doing that for all of eternity. I don't plan on being the person in the back of Heaven feeling awkward as everyone around me falls on their knees in worship and adoration. I am not ashamed of my God. Everyone who knows me, knows that much. I am not afraid to tell someone that I am a Christian. I really believe that worship to our God should be done on a daily basis. I believe that we should set aside our special time to lift our hands to the sky and thank God for all that He has done for us. Even if we feel like nothing is going right in our lives at the moment, we can still thank Him for saving our soul, for giving us the air we breathe, for the sunshine and the rain, for our American freedoms while they still last, etc.
Today, I choose LIFE, the power of my words will speak forth the wonder and admiration for my Lord God Almighty. Worthy is the LAMB that was slain!

Let's Be Friends

What is the true meaning of the word: friend? I have to say that not too many people know the answer to that question. Oh yes, we may think that we know, but let's take a moment to sit back and evaluate the real answer.
When I think of the word, FRIEND, I am often reminded of Jonathan and David. Their friendship depicted what friendship really is. Not only were they closer than brothers, they were selfless in their actions. I think mainly David really knew the meaning of true friendship. It is said in the Bible that the "soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David." I don't really think that you need to see the person to be a friend. It is really our soul that retains the friendship. Our spirit can speak to someone miles away even if our bodies aren't in the same room.
When I look at the relationship of David and Saul, I see that David chose to be Saul's friend even though it was Saul's main intent to kill him! Imagine showing friendship to an assassin! David had many an opportunity to kill Saul, but instead, he chose to show the meaning of true friendship and respect. To be a friend, you don't expect anything in return. Surely, David knew that there was nothing in it for him with the friendship he had in his heart for Saul. It didn't matter to him because it wasn't about being promoted or even being left alone so he wouldn't have to constantly run for his life! It was deeper than that. It was about being a good Christian. The key here is LOVE.
I remember when I was in grade school, and we would pass notes back and forth that read something like this, "Let's be friends. Circle yes or no." Looking back, I laugh because I see how as a little girl, I didn't know better! I remember fighting over who sat by who at lunch or who could spend the night and so on. As I grew older, I realized that some of my friends didn't want to talk to me or they would just plain be mean to me. At the time, I wasn't mature enough to not let it bother me. You see, once you are some-body's friend, you should always be their friend. That's the way it is. Otherwise, you never really were their true friend. I had to learn that the hard way, and I had to realize that certain people never really were my true friends. I know now in my heart, that they will always be my friends because I don't turn my back on my friends. That's one thing about me that I've learned.....once I am your friend, I always will be. It doesn't matter if you resent me or have a great deal to say about me....I am not in this for glory or to say that I have tons of friends. I am only trying to walk like Jesus walked. He was a friend to publicans and sinners, not the elite and only those who liked Him. As you read through the Gospels, Jesus wasn't very popular by the high and mighty Pharisees, but many of the common folk loved and believed in Him for miracles.
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for a friend," this verse is true in every sense. Our Saviour showed us how true His love was to us when he lay down his life when he willingly lay on that rugged tree to be nailed and hung. I'm not saying that we should lay down our lives for others in the physical sense, but we can put ourselves aside for once and think of their needs instead of ours. I named my daughter Charity after my favorite chapter in the Bible, 2 Corinthians 13, which many call the "LOVE chapter." I love that chapter for the simple fact that it describes how we are to love mankind. I know that I constantly am reminding myself about the different things in that chapter, but if we really put it into practice, we will notice how everything will fall into place. There will be people who will love us back, and that is an added bonus! Let's be friends!

I Have a Question

I have a general question, "Who can really be themselves without fear of judgment?" I grew up kind of hiding who I really was because of the judgmental people all around me. I have to say that I still kind of hide because so many people think that theirs is the only way to live this life. I think that if we could really be totally free of this weight, we could really be free to live our lives to God's way....just because you think one way is the ONLY way, why do you really have to make it a point to tell someone how they are living is wrong? That, my friend, is the Holy Spirit's department. Say, I do something you don't approve of, is it really your place to put me in "my place" and "make sure I get back on track?" I may sound that I am frustrated, but I watch over and over this judgmental spirit and how it attacks the church family from the inside out....we can't seem to get over ourselves and truly love "the brethren." Seriously, what do you think the meaning of LOVE is? Love is giving of yourself totally and irrevocably to the other person without wanting anything in return. So, there are few people that I have met who truly know the meaning of that word. Two of those people are great men of God, and one is my dad...he taught me a few years ago that most Christians don't really know what LOVE is. The case being, most are constantly gossiping and saying things before they even think of the consequences. I really know deep in my heart that I haven't arrived, but I can honestly look you in the eye and say that I am on my way because I want to love like Jesus loved while He walked on this Earth. I know that HE LOVED publicans and sinners....that would be like loving politicians and drug lords today....not only that, but it would also be like loving the person who just made a mistake and just wants to come back to church....loving the person who went off and committed adultery or even had an abortion.....loving the drunk, the drug addict, the homosexual, the person next to you who tries to be a good American citizen. Why can't we as Christians see this? Oh, we say that we know love, but we don't.
We say that we accept people, but the looks say it all. Why do you think that people say, "The tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife!" That's a famous statement because not only can you tell how someone feels by their body language but also, you can feel how someone feels because you can feel how someone feels about you. I could be standing perfectly still and thinking that I can't stand you as I talk...all the while, a smile can be painted on my face, and I could be agreeing with you by nodding and saying that what you're saying is awesome....but you aren't fooled. Most people aren't that good at hiding their emotions. I can stand and talk to someone and really tell if they are listening or if they judge me. I can stand and talk to you, look you in the eye, and be able to tell if you are real. I am not gifted; most people can sense how you feel about them. It's what some would call "the sixth sense."
So, my question is this, "Do I live what I speak?" I truly am working on myself. I truly have a lot to learn. Hey, I am trying to see if I can gain my Master's Degree, and I am almost 30! I really don't know what direction I will be taking, but I do know that I will not leave God behind, nor will I cease from teaching my own children what the meaning of true love is. They learn the best by my own actions. So, as I strive to better myself, I will constantly be reminding myself of these improvements and adjustments that are needed in own life.

TODAY, There is ONE Thing...

I believe in a God Who is always there for me. I believe in a God Who has never once let me down even though I know that I have let Him down over and over. I believe in forgiveness because that's the only way to go forward in this life. I believe in admitting that I am wrong when I am wrong and not trying to cover up that I made a mistake. I will face my biggest fears, and I will stay on the right road because there is no other way to live. When I feel that I am falling down and losing ground, I just get up and put one foot in front of the other because to stay down is to admit defeat. I don't admit defeat because with God, I always win. Yes, I am human, but with the grace and help of my God, I will win and reach my biggest goals and desires. To live without a goal or dream is not to live at all. I have come to this conclusion over and over again. When I am faced with a turn in the road, I still review my life, and I realized that I have not once made a mistake in relying on my God. I am no weaker because I rely on Him, but instead, I am only stronger. It doesn't make you a weak person to depend on a Higher Power, as some would say, but it only makes you stronger because as a human, you can't do anything without the God of the universe. I have faced many difficulties and obstacles in this life, but in all, God has never let me down.
So, today, there is one thing that keeps me going....today, there is a need to continue with my dreams and desires. Today, is the day that I brace myself and keep moving forward. I don't think that this life was intended to be lived with tenseness or strict guidelines. I believe we are intended to enjoy every minute. This will only be accomplished if we live for others. I have goals and dreams, but they include the ones around me, my family. To live only for myself would be to wake up one morning, sad and alone. God, I am moving forward today because, "this thing I do, forgetting those things that are behind and reaching forth unto those are before...."

Together, You and Me

Looking back over my past week, I'm reminded of the friends that I have accumulated over the years and just how much they mean to me. I have only a few close friends, but I also have friendships right now that are blooming. I can honestly look back on my life, and I can count on my hand the friends that have been there for me through thick and thin, the ones that didn't care what I did or who I was. One of those friends is my very own sister. I know that we go for periods of time when we don't speak for a while, but we can usually pick up where we left off. It's actually been a whole year now since I've seen her face, but I still know in my heart that we are close no matter the distance. You see, it's not our earthly bodies that are close but our very own souls, the inner part of us, the real us. If you think about it, we have a side of us that will never die...that's the part that we will never lose, even in death. There are some families that grow apart, but I can look at my family and know in my heart that no matter how many miles separate us, we are still close. My dear brother is in Afghanistan right now, and it gets kind of scary when I don't hear from him in a couple of months...then he suddenly appears on the "radar" again. It's awesome to just "chat" even if it isn't in person.
I watch my own children, and I see a bond being formed between them. It's Chary and Bubba, friends forever! I know that they always do everything together, and that's the best kind of family, a family that forms a friendship, the only people that know the real you. I know that we each have our faults, but my family can look past that. We belong together, forever.

Sing to the East and the West!

"O sing unto the LORD a new song: sing unto the LORD, all the earth. Sing unto the LORD, bless his name; show forth his salvation from day to day." (Psalm 96:1-2) These were some of my favorite verses while I was in college. I actually went to a bus ministry Sunday school which was called the "B" Sunday school, and there was an awesome Spanish lady, named Mrs. Zada Torres. She taught the teen girls this song in English and Spanish. I often sang it throughout my school week. It was so refreshing to me, maybe because I love music so much.
I do know that when I first went to college, I was used to singing weekly in my home church's choir and in groups. Needless to say, at college, they had a "we'll come to you if we want you" policy! Wow! I was left aghast at the thought because I loved to sing. That didn't stop me from trying out for every group they formed, and eventually, I ended up in the Ladies' Ensemble! My, how I loved that group! I sang "girl's bass" in the group because I had informed the director that I could sing any part she threw at me! I really could follow music; so, I knew I could do it! Hardly anyone tried out for the bass part; so, I received that part and loved every minute of it! We dressed alike; so, I have one beautiful red suit still in my trunk along with a nice cranberry jacket and a scarf! We were an awesome group! Every Christmas, we went Christmas caroling throughout the college to all of the offices; so, we were asked to sing in the annual Christmas tree lighting concert downtown Chicago! I had a blast even though I didn't have a date! I was so very disappointed when I couldn't stay with the group my student teaching year which was my senior year! They really wanted me to stay, but I couldn't make the 9 AM practices due to student teaching! I was heart-broken! I did enjoy the singing in the church in front of thousands of people! That in itself is an experience of a lifetime! The Ladies' Ensemble with Sara Mitchell...what memories!

Thoughts from a Mom

I suppose most every mom could agree that the most important thing in their mind's eye is the raising of their kids. I refuse to believe that there are mothers out there that truly don't care about their own children. I do know that the mothers that don't show their caring are not in their right minds because once you look into your child's eyes for the first time, your heart is instantly bonded to theirs and there is no turning back. I believe there are confused moms out there that are trying their hardest to do their very best. It's not our place to look down nor tell them how to do their job. The thing is, it is only in your own heart how to raise your child. Yes, God can and will give you the wisdom you need if you but ask Him. I can't really have the answers you seek to be a good mom. I have to find the answers for myself as you have to find your own answers.
Most every day is the same for me and my family. We wake up, some of us as early as the sun-rise, but we all come downstairs and eat breakfast. When I am not well, I just give my children a cereal bar, fruit or toast. Mostly, I love making them breakfast! I thoroughly enjoy my job. I love getting their outfits coordinated and doing their hair. I often plan the evening's meal that morning, and do some "prep" work if needed! I allow them to watch a movie or a TV show while I do all of this. Recently, we've all taken turns being sick and then I had this surgery; so, we've kind of been out of routine. I make them lunch and allow them to watch something funny or their favorite show. I have them play until nap-time, and I often spend that time doing what I love doing, either reading, writing or just resting. I try and do laundry daily as that helps me out a great deal not to get behind. All of this to say, we are very laid back, and don't let anything rattle us. We don't live by a rigid schedule, and I clean all day long instead of like a crazy person freaking out when they mess everything up! I used to be that way; believe me. But it just didn't work out for me at all! I just step back and allow them to be kids and do my work around them! Now, I don't allow them to do whatever they want; don't get me wrong at all! We have structure, yet I'm learning to mellow out and not get all "fired up" when they spill something or break something.
My children are my pride and joy, and I try daily to show them how much they mean to me. Not only them, my husband was and always be first in my life. I try to daily make his life easier. I love him like no other, and I have to say that he is my best friend. I constantly keep in touch with him throughout the day. (yeah texting!) I often can't wait for him to come home, and am like a little girl when he does! I just love being around him. He has a pleasant personality. This is my life, my family. As you can plainly tell, I would trade it for no other profession on this planet! I used to think that I wanted a career, but I have one right here in my lap! I pity those who "endure" their mom profession. I embrace this with a smile on my face and joy in my heart, for God has allowed me two beautiful healthy children to raise for Him. These are just some of my thoughts.

The Sound of Church Bells

As I sit here recovering from my oral surgery, I am reminded of the many years that I have gone to church. I guess one doesn't really stop and think about such things until they are not there. I grew up in church for as long as I can remember. Actually, I don't ever remember being asked if I would like to go; it was just a given just like it was a given that I go to school every week. I am thankful for godly parents who brought me up in church, and I don't regret one minute attending. I grew up attending the only Baptist church in McDonald, Ohio, and it was a quaint little building, brick with a huge brick lighted sign out front. I played "baby Jesus" my very first Christmas on earth, and I was also married there a little over 5 years ago. But, it isn't the building that stores all of the memories...it's also the people who attended. I have many fond memories of Grandma Bobbi, Grandma Clawson, and so many more who saw me grow up. I often loved hearing the church bells ringing every Saturday and Sunday, even though the bells didn't come from my church. I often would sit in the park there in town and just listen to the old church bells play some of my favorite hymns. Whenever I heard those bells, I thought of church and the many people who influenced my life growing up. As I sit here, I can still hear those bells, loud and clear, chiming "Amazing Grace." My how, I loved church! I still do love it to this day even though I am living in another state attending another church. Church became my life, and it is my life, but more importantly recently, I have become to realize church as a people, not a building. It's a place where the people come to meet our God...it's a place to remember why we are here on this earth. Church can be anywhere we make it as long as we are assembled together with believers. I have grown up with many great people of faith who knew their God. I grew up in the church that taught me the meaning of life. I cannot imagine life without my God. The sound of those church bells rings clearly in my mind, reminding me of all of this. He is ever present with me, and I will forever be grateful to the many mentors who "light" my way in this darkened world. Church is where I met them, but in my heart they will forever remain. My, how I love those church bells!

Awake

So I had my surgery on Thursday morning around 10:15 AM; I don't remember much about it because I was put to sleep, per my request. I do know that I was still shaking because I was nervous about being put to sleep, but when they put the mask on with the oxygen and "laughing gas"I was very relaxed and at ease! I remember joking with the nurse and thinking to myself, "I probably can beat this and stay awake!" That was funny! The last thing I remember was the nurse placing some plastic thing in my mouth and holding up my chin. The next thing I remember was waking up to the dr over me and finishing up! I kept asking him what he was doing to me! (pretty funny!) I kept zoning in and out, and Josh even came back to help me and took a picture of me when I didn't know! I had an awful time walking to the car; it was such a weird feeling. I woke up in the parking lot of Weis Supermarket with the doors locked! Josh told me later that I was trying to get out of the car, and he was afraid I would get out and wander off! He asked the Pepsi vendor inside to keep a look out on me as he went and bought some foods I could eat! The rest of the day was kind of a blurr as I drifted in and out of sleep and kept changing the gauze in my mouth. The dr called me that night to see if I was doing ok. I was very impressed by that! As directed, I kept the ice-packs on my face all day, taking them off periodically. That really helped with the swelling and keeping the pain level down. Today, I woke up with a severe sore throat! My right back jaw hurt so badly, it was unreal! I immediately went and downed some pudding and took pain medicine! I am doing much better right now! The only thing is, I want to sleep and sleep, but I can't because I am here watching my kids while Josh is at work! God is my helper! I will make it through this with His help alone! I can't always depend on people for help as they are just human, but I can ALWAYS depend on my God for His help!