Frozen

Looking straight ahead, motionless, blinking slightly

       Not caring which way's up or down, or even if the line is straight

All that matters is the beating of my heart...

To remind me that I'm a living being, warm-blooded

Emotions, some too deep to register,

The pain, stuffed down into a canister...

It's not worth the discussion or anxiety it brings,

For, honestly, not too many take the time to listen

Not too many really are there to wash it away.

The promises, empty words, fall on deaf ears

And make one realize that words are just that...

Words that are hollow and empty and have no meaning

The empty, "I love you's," and the repeats that sting...

Others seeing your selfishness and berating your humanity

Telling you what they see, feel and hear...

You see yourself in a whole new light,

Yet, now the coast is clear to just walk away....frozen.

 

The Day I Met You

       The following is a poem that will be in my novel that I am currently writing. I thoroughly enjoyed writing it, and I thought that it would be nice to share it now. My novel is historical fiction written during the Civil War era and speaks highly of both sides of our country, the division, the brokenness, the togetherness and the love that still remained. I hope you all have a blessed Thanksgiving holiday!

**********************

 

When I First Saw You

I never dreamed that I would fall asleep

That my sleep would be the sleep of angels

Carrying me away to a place unknown

Where the waters are crystal clear

And the grass is an emerald green

They carried me away

And I felt it was a dream,

The kind of dream where

I never want to wake up

Nor do I ever want it to end….

I felt free and liberated

And for a little while

I knew that I had forgotten all that

Still lived down on Earth

All that was a great part of my life

A giant part of my soul

I lived in this fantasy land where nothing went wrong

And everything flowed perfectly

The flowers bloomed and their fragrance, so sweet

The song of the birds joined the melody of the angelic choir

I fell asleep and I never wanted for it to end….

I felt no pain, and I felt no sadness

No tears came to my eyes

And no sorrow resided within my heart

I only felt the joy that resonated

From what was all around me

The tranquility, the peace

The love and bright light of hope….

The angels took me away

They brought me through a bright light

Into this mysterious land

Everyone was smiling

No one was sad

Sadness never existed here…..

I don’t know how long I was gone….

I don’t know how long I lingered here, in this place

I could’ve stayed here forever

I could’ve never gone back

I would’ve forgotten all those that loved me

Down here on Earth

Their memories would be but a dream

I once shared

A blissful part of a past memory

I know I would only feel a happiness not my own

A tranquility that I can’t describe…..

Then, I woke up to reality

The pain hit me like a ton of bricks

Shooting to every recess of my broken body

And torn heart within my chest

For a few moments,

I couldn’t breathe without the pain being unbearable

My swollen eyes struggled to open

I wiggled my fingers and toes

I remembered everything

And pieces of nothing

Dense fog came and went in waves

I was as if a dying man

Buried in a sea of chained memories

A wagon-full of what reality really was….

Then, I opened my eyes

At first, I thought I was dreaming

For I saw your face

More beautiful than anything I could imagine

An angel dressed in white…

Where was I?

What was happening?

What was real and what was a dream?

I felt pain, far greater than anything I could have dreamed

Yet, you stood there, watching over me

Tenderly caring for my broken body

I think I don’t want to wake up

I think if this is real

 I want it to last forever

This time, I remember everything

This time, I feel pain and sorrow

But I also feel something else

Today, I met you, my angel in disguise

And I don’t ever want to let you go….

 

 

           



Dark Your Path May Appear...

 

 

The way you close your eyes and think when you open them

Everything will have been just a long bad dream...

The way you choke back any tears that may surface

Because to cry in front of others is to make yourself a little less,

Or so you think...

The way you feel as if you are all alone in this world

Even if there is always someone there to say, "I love you..."

The way you walk into an empty house and just wish that for once

Just one time, the floor would open and swallow you whole....

The way you listen to those around you and you hear what they have to say

But it just seems to vanish into the night, like fleeting wisps of air...

The way it hurts to smile anymore because you know you are empty

There is something missing

There is something that isn't right

You have everyone

Yet have no one

Any words of comfort burn holes into your skin

Melting you into total nothingness

Making you feel like the monster you have learned to hate....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

       The last couple of weeks have been a trying and testing time in my life. I am happy to say that things are starting to look up for me. I had some trying times throughout several parts of my life between learning more about myself and how I respond to certain situations. One thing that remains true is knowing if the same thing happens over and over again in ones' life, it probably stands to note that a certain lesson has not been learned in that given situation. If the lesson had been learned, so much turmoil wouldn't be felt over and over, but instead, we would be able to brush it off and move on with our life.

      For years, I have felt totally misunderstood, and I would become terribly frustrated with that knowledge. It was like whatever I did, someone had to question me as if I was a moron or had never really lived on this planet, Earth. More and more every day, I am beginning to not only understand myself but also am beginning to be okay with who I am. People still scratch their heads at me, but it really doesn't matter, because why I did something cannot always be answered, even by me.

       I refuse to become jaded from experiences and trials that have crossed my path. I refuse to give up on the dreams and goals that I have set for myself. I set my standards ridiculously high, in many people's minds, but the truth of the matter is, what is the definition of  "ridiculously high?" Is it really absurd to dream a dream? Is it also absurd to dare reach beyond the stars? I think not.

       For example: when I was a Senior in high school, I set a goal to become the valedictorian, and I accomplished that goal. Who cares if my Senior class was small...what matters is that it was reached. I also continued to tell everyone that I would go to college and graduate with my Bachelor's in English and music....once again, those goals were met. I also said that I would meet and marry the man of my dreams and be married by August 2003. I remember the laughter and comments and the rolling of eyes...."Oh, Elizabeth! You can't possibly know that or predict the future!" "Oh, Elizabeth, you have a great sense of humor!" I would become miffed because I really believed in my dreams becoming a reality, and they did. I said that I would have the perfect family: one girl and one boy. I have both. I am not a fortune teller. I cannot predict the future.

        The thing is this: all of those things happened and then....NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!! All of that happened and no more goals were set. It was as if my life was over...oh, it wasn't over per say, but what else? I became stagnant....I became depressed. I became lost....I was sinking and there was nobody around to help me back up. I was desperately floating and living each and every day like a lifeless robot. There was not one single person who truly tried to help me out of it. I will say this though....my husband did try and he was at a loss of what to do. We actually both were struggling in our lives. We both were lost. We were alone.

       Then God graciously began to open my eyes little by little, and it was through a really good friend of mine that I began to see life a little differently. I began to stop pointing my fingers at everyone around me and instead, I began to look in the mirror. I didn't see anyone but just ME. You see, my spirit has been broken into a million pieces by different things that have happened throughout my life, but God has been healing me piece by piece. Every day, I choose to forgive. Every single day, I choose to stop and not become angry at the drop of a hat. Every day I am practicing to see others as Christ would see them. I am tested and tried every single minute of every day. I don't have to always be right. I also have nothing to prove to anyone. I am a Christian, and I do not live with condemnation.

       For years, I lived in a world where God was the "BIG MEANY" up there in Heaven, and I must mind my "p's and q's." Now, I live each and every day of my life knowing that He loves me and forgave me the minute I trusted in Him. My path is no longer dark. I have set a few new goals, and my life is moving forward. Life is good, and I give all of the credit to Him.

Trick of Treat?

 

 

       I grew up in a world where trick or treating just wasn't done. I'm not tearing down my upbringing by any means. In fact, I applaud my parents for raising me the best they knew how. As it is, parenting is trial and error. I have memories of my dad handing out king sized candy bars to the kids in our neighborhood, and I also have memories of parents being scared where they took their kids because crazy people were starting to add needles and poison to candy. I remember the uproar even though that was years ago.

       In today's society, I think that parents are more careful, or so it seems. Of course, there are still crazy people in this world, but I also don't think that we have to worry as much. The truth of the matter is simple: Halloween is so controversial in the "Christian" world. There are arguments that go both ways, and I can see both sides of it. But to me, it's simple....Halloween depicts a fun time to spend with your children and family. It's fun for them to dress up in their favorite character and go door to door (or trunk to trunk) and say, "Trick or treat!" and get free candy!

        I think that everyone has a right to their opinion, but here it is: opinions are like arm-pits...they often stink. If no one asked your opinion, why put it out there? I know that I will be ridiculed by what I believe, but here it is again: why do we have to be so mean and tell people our opinions on things that are none of our business? Why is it that we just can't keep our mouths shut and smile? What would Jesus really do? Would he stand up and reprimand us for going trick or treating? Oh, well, you say, "But it's a devil's holiday!!!!" I beg to differ. In fact, during my lunch break today, I researched the origin of Halloween, and in fact, it was thought to be created by the festival of Samhain where people wore costumes and lit bonfires to ward off ghosts of the dead. Later on, a pope designated November 1 to be the day where the church remembered martyrs and saints. Over time, Halloween became a time for children to have harvest parties and dress up in costumes to go trick or treating. Halloween is what you make of it, to tell you the truth. Even adults have parties to be like children again and just relax and have some fun. In the end, does it really even matter?

       I worked 9 hours today, and when I got off work, I thoroughly enjoyed taking my children out to get some candy. Charity was a lady bug and JW was a ninja. They both had changed their minds multiple times before today, and in the end, we decided to let them just wear what they wore last year since it still fit. It was fun going up to houses where people had been creative and created a little Halloween world with lights, smoke and scary images. Towards the end, we went up to a house where a child about Charity's height was dressed like SCREAM. Charity turned as white as a ghost because there was this person standing and shaking his head at her. She screamed and he started following her down the sidewalk. (I was there...don't' worry :) She hollered out, and when he laughed, she stomped her foot and stuck her tongue at him. That was my favorite memory of the evening.

       We came home, ate pizza, and watch THE GREAT PUMPKIN CHARLIE BROWN. A night full of memories for sure....one that will forever stick in our children's mind....I'm so happy to be making great memories with them.

She Didn't Have a Face

 

For you never knew her name.....

 

The way she moved, the way her presence drifted through the rafters

The way she was, yet never was...

The way she existed yet sank beneath the tumultuous waves

Clinging to the hope that someone would hear her screams

Struggling to breathe in this world that channeled her energy

Into a windmill of tepid darkness

And ransacked even the whitest of evil

If evil could ever be still long enough to drag the next victim...

No one ever knew who she was

No one ever saw her face

No one ever listened for her calls for help

And no one stood still long enough to understand

The very evil that ensued her footsteps

How she tried to tell the truth of who she was

Yet remembered that smirks lay not far from where she stood

Darkness...

Shadows...

Eeriness...

Falling...

 

Don't walk away from what you don't understand

Don't hide from something that scares you and makes your heart jump

Don't pretend you never knew she existed

Don't underestimate the power you hold within your grasp

The very power to make or break the darkest spell

That threatens to place a choke-hold on the nearest being....

 

She escaped from this asylum of guilt and pain

Shackled by the laughter and empty words

She found a way to let the world know she never existed

The way they mocked her to tears

That flowed like acid rain down her marble face

It's as if she never was....

 

Girl Meets World

 

 

       For as long as I can remember, I have been able to go to a magical place where all of my dreams come true. Long before I had a sister and a brother, I became very good at playing well alone. I have always had a vivid imagination, and the truth of the matter is, that was the beginning of my life as a writer, and continues even to this day. Whenever something was a little "off" in my world, I was able to sit and day-dream, and I even carried a little notebook with me so that I was able to write down my feelings on the matter. As I became older, my mom took note that whenever I would spend hours on the piano, I was hurting inside. Music also became my "magical world." I believe that writing and music go hand-in-hand, and that they both have a healing power. Words can heal, and they can also destroy. The same is with music...it can heal a broken heart or it can cause the anger that is built up inside, to implode into a disaster. The following is a poem about the magical world of writing and poetry and how they tie together.

 

 

I grew up where the sun shone through my yellow curtains

And made me feel like my life was brand-new

I'd stare out across the royal plushness of my backyard

And dream of places that existed beyond the green carpet

Places that could take you where great people once lived

I could hear the music whistling through the silky evergreens

I could close my eyes and smell the mustiness of the autumn leaves

Hear the fast-approaching trains that rumbled near my window

Rattling the antique glass and making me feel safe and sound

Music wafted through the vents with the toastiness of the warmth

Listening to hours of practice and beautiful melodies from my sister

I can smell the mouth-watering baking for the holidays

As I'd crack open a hard-backed book

Ready to meet a new person and become fast friends

Flashlights glowing under the bed-covers

Headphones worn to drown out the world around me

I could lay on my back against the smoothed concrete

Of the expansive white-washed gazebo

And listen to the birds sing their many melodies

From the wooded trails not far from my being

I could harmonize completely with my family

Relishing the fact that our voices blended as one

And knowing that that moment would but vanish

From my out-stretched grasp....

Oh, I can always leave my current work-filled day

And travel back in time, to meet  many beautiful, old friends

Acquaint myself with new ones and never see their faces with my eyes

For to imagine is the best skill a writer can possess

To see the world from up above, looking down

Hovering over them like an angel of light

They make their way through the looking glass and into your pen

Singing the songs, whether good or bad

And creating a memory that was once upon a time....



Within These Walls

 

 

Behind every poem lies a story, a memory, a piece of one's life. For years, I allowed myself to hide in the shadows and observe those around me. I have been known as quiet and a girl of few words, but in reality, I have much to say. If you pay attention, you will find most of what I have to say within my writings. This particular poem is written from the view point of moving on from hurts and pain from the past. I had a great childhood, but I allowed those in my life to tell me how I should be and how my personality really was. It wasn't until these past few years, that I figured out who I really was without the words and pictures others had painted about me. I have learned much about myself, but the main thing is that I have a heart of mercy. Where others tore me down, I build those in my life up. Like the song, You Raise Me Up, I decided one day to truly invest in those around me and build them up in their daily lives.

 

 

Within these walls I hide behind what you have to say

Never standing forward, never speaking up

I allowed you to say what you had to say

And I rarely had any words with which to reply

For I kept them all buried deep inside

And never a word did I speak in your presence

All of the pain you have caused

All of the uproar within your domain

I stood back and allowed myself to be silent

I step forward now, not to yell or even cry

But to say that I forgive you.

I forgive you for all of your judgments

I forgive you for not understanding the way of life

To not know what I know today, to walk in total darkness

I forgive you for not understanding what it is to walk in love

To put others before your very self

I bow within the pain that you possess

That you don't know how to reach out your hand with mercy

To forgive as Christ forgave us

I bow in prayer that one day, you too will be set free...

Free from this burden that weighs your body down

That darkens the way of those who are lost

That you will see the light that He possesses

And you will feel His grace, far beyond comprehension.

I forgive you for you are standing in the dark

And you need someone to light your path.

I close my eyes in prayer for you

That you will understand no condemnation

And you will stand in freedom, in grace, in light, in peace.

I am not better than you by any means

For we all stand equal at the foot of the cross...

I reach out my hand and offer forgiveness, restoration, freedom.





 





Through the Looking Glass

She discovered that the path she had been travelling

Would no longer be a safe way home

Shards of glass threatened to pierce her through the heart

And pieces of what appeared to be a golden frame

Lay stagnant in the muck and the mire of the desolate road

She clutched what was left of the tattered pieces of clothing that surrounded her

And braced herself for a brighter tomorrow filled with promises of hope

Her ashen face was painted with the grime and filth from her travels

And her tiny hands shook as she decided to move forward…

Step by step, one foot in front of the other, she walked

Faintly, at first, with blood and tears that streamed down her soiled image

Those who could help, walked idly by, some laughed and some whispered

“Desolate creature,” they called her, one who walked boldly yet alone

Not one soul tried to see that she struggled because she carried herself with grace

Though outwardly, she appeared to be shaken by a heightened battle

Inwardly was a strength that could be seen deep within the eyes of her soul….

Stepping forward, turning from the mockers and those who would jeer,

She began to pick up the pieces of the glass…

In them, she could see her reflection and with each piece, there was a flash

Of a distant memory that threatened to kill her spirit.

She continued to piece these jagged shards until they, together formed an image…

With a gasp, she peered into her reflection and what she saw nearly took her breath away…

A lone tear fell from her eyes and the glass became like new

Standing in front of herself, she took one step forward, into her future.

You see, the pieces that threatened to kill her were what brought her to her future…

She walked through the looking glass, brand new, whole, revived,

And those who saw her, those who laughed and mocked, bowed in awe at the beauty that lay before them

The true beauty that always was seen within the recesses of her soul

But now shone through her like a ray of light.

 

Who I Am Inside

       One thing I have learned over the course of the last several months, is that all of humanity is different, yet in some ways, we are the same. I happen to be the more intense type, taking most everything seriously. This side of me is there for a reason...I am an artist. I have learned to embrace what I would call my flaws and make them my strengths. It is within this side that I have hated for years, that I found the place where I could truly be myself through my writings along with the love that I possess for those around me.
       I also am always looking for answers. Most of the questions that I ask, people scratch their heads wondering who would think or ask such a thing. I have long gotten over being self-conscience because I have learned that if you never ask, you will never know. I remember as a small child asking a question in Sunday school only to be told that I ask too many questions, and for heaven's sake, please put my hand down. I'm sure I was continually interrupting the lesson with my questions, and if I would've just listened, my question would be answered. But my mind had a way of jumping ahead, and seeing the future and planning and trying to understand everything there is to understand about a subject. Even to this very day I ask questions that no one can answer.
       Either way you look at it, I always felt different than everyone around me. I used to think there was something terribly wrong with me because I wouldn't grasp humor quite as fast, or it took me a little longer to catch onto something new. Truth be told, I wouldn't change any of the above about myself because it has made me a better person all around. Because I am sensitive, I can relate what it feels like to someone else if they are hurt. Because I am aware when something isn't understood in my mind, I am more apt to be patient with another soul who becomes confused along the way. Because I am inquisitive, I am most likely very happy to answer as many questions that are asked of me. All of these things that I loathed for so long, that set me apart, are now my ally.
       I know what it feels like to be misunderstood. I understand the child who feels bullied or the girl who feels betrayed. I sense when something is amiss. Most of the time, I can tell when something is wrong and the other person pretends that it's not. I have the ability to see beyond the words and fake smiles. The "everything is GREAT" that becomes overkill to the world behind the mask of someone struggling deep inside is rarely ever missed by my observations.
       I want to end by sharing something that greatly helped me open my eyes just this past weekend. I was sitting there in my pew at church and listening intently, when several points were given on how to treat others. I always thought that I knew how to treat other people because of where I had been in life with the people who mistreated me and my family. I actually thought that I was the best friend anyone could ever have! How prideful we become when we actually have the audacity to think that we have arrived in an area! It's human nature to stand in pride once in a while, but pride sure does have a way of being very painful when it falls. We should always be striving to be a better person, a better friend.
       The following points just opened my eyes a tad wider to the needs of those around me whether it be: the struggling author, the hopeful businessman, the scared little girl, the angry driver, the hyper child, the scarce secretary, the distant authority figure. The list can go on and on. In the end, we don't always know what makes the other person "tick." We might think we know someone, but half of the time, most everyone is putting on a show. It might take a little to get to the real person inside. There is always a reason why someone does things the way they do or why they see something a little differently than you. Be kind to everybody because everybody is having a  tough time.

1.) Give the other person the benefit of the doubt.
2.) Assume the best, not the worst.
3.) Remember, you only heard one side of the story. There are ALWAYS two sides to every story.
4.) Even if you SAW it yourself, remember, you only saw ONE view point.
5.) Don't take it personally.
6.) Even when the other person is having a bad moment, it's our job to absorb each other's bad moments.
7.) Love and help the needy person, regardless of where they fit in.

The Lost River, Found

 Winding roads snake through mountainous rock

Overlooking a sparkling ribbon of blue

Leaves are changing, falling downward

Windows down, the breeze assaults ones' senses

Bringing a feeling of blissful nostalgia

A reminder that there is still resilient beauty still remaining

The crackle of a roaring fire

Hoists ones' senses into a sort of haze

Blinking, bowing ones' head in silence

Heart beats fast and breath erodes sporadically

Déjà vu resonates into the wilderness

Bringing into mind the field of wildflowers

The sounds of howling coyote or perhaps a hunting dog

Off in the distance, echoing through the stillness

Running freely with great abandon

Never looking back on what was

Only looking ever forward towards the tree line

Singing at the top of ones' lungs

Not a single care in the world

Simple bystanders raise their brows in wonder

Calling out to see if all is well

One doesn't feel the need to explain this state of pure ecstasy

Because knowing that this is real life

Understanding that this memory will last a lifetime

Is all that really matters down at the lost river, found.

 

 

 

Can We Go Back?

       Simple everyday living is often taken for granted. I have learned over the past couple of days that living in the moment, focusing on what's the most important, is what really matters. Sometimes we go too far one way, and it's just too much. It's almost like we set a goal that is so far out of reach that it's ridiculous and impossible. Then the mind shuts down, and everything we had hoped to accomplish is tossed aside. It's like we forget that for one moment in our life we had this dream, this spark, this desire to even set this goal. We forget how we felt at that moment. Sometimes, when I am in that exact moment, I want to just pick up a controller and push pause...then rewind just a tad, and feel that way over and over. Or, I want to take a canning jar and scoop it all inside and seal it tightly so I can feel that way whenever I want to...whenever I feel as if my world is spinning and I'm in a whirlwind. But, alas, this is what we call life. We can't go back in time, and we can't go forward. What really matters is the here and now. What counts is this moment, this time that you are currently standing in...I can get in my car and go to a farmer's market and breathe in the sweet smells of the countryside, and open my eyes wide and take in all of the beauty of the fruits, vegetables and flowers....gaze out over the fields of apple trees and watch the cows as they graze in the pasture. I can pull up instagram with my phone and take pictures of my children swinging and being goofy. I can record their laugh as they just about laugh at everything I do. Or, take for instance, a few nights ago, I decided to take a sunset walk with my Charity. As she held my hand and just talked to me, it was the most precious memory I've ever made. She is growing up so fast, and it's kinda scary. I'm taking a hold of every single moment, those little things become big memories later on in life. The very fact that my JW will take his blanket, wrap it around himself and roll around on the floor when he is out and out bored, is hilarious to me. I usually pick him up and tickle him or have him sit next to me as I hold him close. He's my cuddle bug, and I treasure that. It's the arguing about the best way to make bbq chicken as Josh and I cook together, then the hugs by the kitchen sink, the kisses by the stove. Or how I will be inspired about a spot in my book, and sit down and type as fast as I can between oven timers and stove alarms. Can we go back in time? No, and we can't go forward either....but we can live in the moment.

Of Coffee and Post Stamps...

       Have you ever had one of those days where it's probably better to lock yourself in a room away from everyone and anyone? Sure! We've all been there, including myself. Or, the possibility, you could maybe, just maybe climb into bed, pull the covers over your head, close your eyes and wake up on the "flip-side" could be another one of those days. What do we do when these days happen? Do we give in to these emotions, blaming this or that? Do we yell at the post-man or scream at the Dunkin Donuts barista? My years of experience tell me that this isn't the way to handle life. It's best to just ignore those feelings, tell yourself it's going to be ok, smile and talk sweetly. As much as we want to give attitude or really tell that person what we are thinking, in the end, when your mind is clear and those feelings are gone, things will be worse and feelings will be hurt. I have learned that it's better to not say anything if my words are going to hurt someone. It's better not to throw salt on someones wounds, and it's better to think everything through before responding in any given situation. Have I perfected this? No, but I do believe that I am getting better and better every single day. It's alright if you when you get home, away from everyone, to have a really good cry. Crying has a way of cleansing the soul and healing emotion. As a writer/artist, emotions do seem to be more magnified. If you are an artist of any kind, you know exactly what I am saying. You know that the creative side of your personality has a way of allowing you to feel and see everything a little differently than the rest of the world. Learning to work with your personality, and learning to control yourself is a must. Not everyone gets that. Not everyone can see or understand when you are having a melt-down. Some of us have a gift...a gift that enhances our ability to get and understand how others are feeling. Sometimes we have a way of reading between the lines or understanding what is going on with another person without them having to say anything.
       So, to wrap things up, why don't we purpose to take control of our emotions, to allow ourselves to feel, but to keep them in check and take care of them at the appropriate time. No, it's not fair to holler at the mail-man or pound our fist on the counter at our favorite coffee shop because the first sip you take is one of solid sugar. :-) I'm smiling as I write this because being human can be hilarious when you think about it! Allow yourself to be human, but learn from your mistakes and move on with your everyday living. Chow!

Sweet Wild Rose

Her bite is bittersweet, cutting down one’s pride yet soothing one’s soul

Her touch is effervescent, relieving one’s inner wounds and healing one’s fear

How I long to sweep her off her feet, how I desire to make her mine

How I treasure every single minute, hold close every single word spoken

How I close my eyes and imagine the life we would share on this earth

Walking hand in hand, sharing our innermost thoughts and feelings

How I lay back and I see what we could be, the best of friends

Though many would mock me to scorn and say I’m truly gone mad

Though it would be an outrage, a disaster in the making

I simply cannot care, for to lose her would be to lose a piece of my heart…

That piece that is most vital to my mortality, that part that is needed to keep me alive

I must not let go of this sweet soul, sent my way for this very purpose

I must pull her out of her field of wildflowers, for she stands out among them all, my sweet wild rose.

 

Far Away

I can feel you ever so close, your presence is real, your very essence

I close my eyes and breathe, like a brush of an angel’s wing across my face

Finger-tips brush my own, the faint scent of your perfume

Tears roll down my face, I clasp my hands in front of me and embrace this moment

A moment that comes and goes, a moment that is but too brief

I know you are there, I can feel you…

I can’t see you, but my spirit feels yours, so close, yet so far away

I raise my hand and touch your invisible one

I hear your voice inside my head, I see your smile, your laughter, your love

I open my eyes and then you are gone….running after you, come back to me

Don’t go away, I need you here beside me, I need to know you will stay

Chasing a mirage, sinking to the ground in desperation, a spiral of smoke and you are gone

I can’t see you, I can’t feel you, I can’t find you….where did you go?

It’s like you are hidden, far away, never to return, gone, gone, gone….

I can’t hear you anymore, your voice is but a whisper, your scent but a distant memory

Hidden from this world, far away in another world…gone until the time is right…

My human mind can’t understand this, my brain is but a fog, my memory but a vapor

All I feel is the love you left behind, placed in those near to me.