Newness of Life

       Would you believe me if I told you that I've finally found my calling in life? I am almost 30 years old and have finally landed where my feet belong. I have always had this passion, but I never have been able to find a place to use it. I love working with kids in general, and yes, I have a teaching degree; I just have always wanted to actually make a difference in a child's life besides teaching them English. (although English will always be a passion of mine) I may have stated in an earlier blog about some of the kids I worked with in Chicago and how they impacted my life forever. That was over 7 years ago when I was in my earlier 20s! I have to say that I was in shock back then as to how a child can act the way some of these kids acted...then I was going into their homes and completely understanding their behaviors. So, now I have the opportunity to work with troubled kids again in a different kind of setting; in all, they are all the same---broken inside. I totally understand why they act the way they do; in no way am I a therapist but I know enough to know that they have no coping skills and that they are broken and need fixed. I have to say that the scariest part, to me, is knowing that they will not be in the program for long...that they are going back out into the real world where they messed up before coming there. I think the program is sound, and for the child that wants it, they will grasp the meaning of it and grow. Working with these kids only for a short while, I understand why some people wouldn't stay there long...it's the kind of job you can't take personally. Being called names goes in one ear and out the other. (you know the Charlie Brown cartoon when the teacher or principal is talking...."Wa Wa Wa, WaWa, Wa...")
       This all seems so surreal to me because I never dreamed that my dream could come true, then I'm brought back to reality when a child is throwing a temper tantrum, throwing milk all over the kitchen floor like it's a game...when a book goes flying through the air, etc. It's during the time when my heart is pounding in my ears as I try to figure out what they are going to do next and my adrenaline is pumping wondering if this needs to end in a restraint, that I remind myself that we have to get through this rough part before they begin to heal and change. I've heard that many change, and that brings hope to my heart because I know that what I am doing is so worth it...so worth doing...changing a life.

Precious in His Sight

      So, I started my new job this week at The Board of Childcare here in Martinsburg. We spent the whole week learning new techniques, many which were psychology based as to how to act and re-act with the children we will be dealing with. The main thing is to NEVER re-act. My eyes were opened even more, and even though I've worked with troubled teens in the past, this will be different as this is a treatment facility. The last thing we learned was how to use proper restraints which will hardly ever be needed if protocol is followed in stopping the situations from escalating. I think that everyone at some time in their life should learn about someone else besides themselves...learn that everyone in this world doesn't always live the way you would live. Not everyone is blessed to have a dad and a mom who love them and provide for them. I am blessed. I was raised in a loving family who cared for me and my needs emotionally and physically. These children don't come from homes like that.
       When I would go to Chicago every weekend while in college, I would run into situations that stung me to my core. One situation I will NEVER forget. I don't really remember who was with me at the time, but there was a little 5 year old boy named Jamie (pronounced Himey) who lived with I believe his grandmother. I just remember going to visit him and his brother one Saturday and knocking and knocking on the door. Just as me and my partner were about to leave, his grandma answered the door and the smell of alcohol and weed wafted into the hallway. As soon as she recognized us, she invited us in. There were people passed out all over the apartment and beer bottles scattered everywhere! I thought I would be sick, but I retained my composure. Cigarette butts filled the ash tray and dirty dishes were strewn on the counters and table. I went into Jamie's room and talked to him. He was so excited to go to church the next day...As soon as we left and were well out of range, I broke down and sobbed. I just couldn't take it that an adult would allow such things to go on in front of an innocent child. Needless to say, not long after that, Jamie wasn't allowed to come to church anymore. I don't remember the circumstances as to why.
       I grew fond of Daisy, a teenage girl, who was sent to Guatemala by her mom because she got into trouble with the law. The day I found that out, I cried as well. I became attached to these kids whom we invested our time and money but more importantly our HEARTS. They changed my life and how I see life in general. I saw things I never saw before...I would often ride the bus back on Saturday evening with tears streaming down my face as I watched the Chicago skyline go past my window. I was extremely thankful that I was blessed, and I knew that I would always have a heart for troubled children.
       I watched PRECIOUS tonight, and yes, it was very graphic. I was crying along with her as she said, "Nobody loves me." I loved that girl even though I didn't know her. I could see how verbally abused she was...how that emotional abuse along with the physical and sexual tore her to shreds...how broken she was...all she wanted was LOVE. Jesus is LOVE, and thru HIM I will LOVE these children I work with. I understand we will not have a friendship as that is necessary in this facility, but may they always remember that they are loved as they leave to live their life. They truly are precious in HIS sight.

Religiosity

       Take any religion, and you will find a loyal group of followers willing to do as bidden by a priest, reverend, pastor, etc. There are "die-hards" who will die by their beliefs and refuse to change unless they be considered "as sinning or being damned to hell." Whether they believe in Mother Earth, Buddha, Mohammad, Joseph Smith, Allah, or the One TRUE GOD, GOD HIMSELF, these people are usually drowning in their "religiosity." You may wonder where I pulled out such a word, and yes, it does exist. Religiosity simply means "the quality of being religious, esp. of being excessively, ostentatiously (showy display) or mawkishly (nauseous or insipid) religious." In other words, being bound in this frame of mind is poisonous not only to yourself but to those around you. As a child, I used to wonder if I was in the "right religion," but I never asked because I knew the answer I'd be given. The thing is, I don't really believe that God wanted us to have all of these religions; all He wanted was for us to praise and glorify Him. He was our Creator, the One who breathed the breath of life into our lungs. The least we could do is acknowledge that and worship at His feet.
       I don't want to get off track here; all I want to express is that most people steeped in some kind of religion often lose track of why they do what they do. Is it to "show-off" -- to let everyone know you are "on the straight and narrow." The "look-at-me" syndrome is quite popular in religion of any kind. It isn't necessary to have what you are doing to be seen by man! It isn't really that important to do things for man either! I don't care if man has told you to do something, the most important aspect is to make sure it's God who is doing the talking, no matter the subject! I grew up in a Christian home. I often thought whatever I was taught was "the law." Most of the time, it was from the Bible, but then again, I never researched it for myself. I wasn't then nor am I now rebellious of anything I was taught. I just know now to research for myself and not take everything that is told to me stand as "the law." I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me, and He does a pretty good job of convicting me and telling me when something is off or if I need to change something in my life.
      In no way would I ever write this as a degrading subject towards my former or present teachers in my life. I only write this so we are aware of what we really are doing. Are we doing it because "the prophet said so" or "but my pastor said?" Or are we doing what we do because GOD said so, or HIS WORD spoke and it is so? That is the most important thing we could ever do. No, we aren't going to be perfect, but our God is forgiving and just. I am still learning this myself, and have not perfected it in anyway. I only know that my eyes are opened, and I will know the "hope of his calling."

Lift Your Voice

       Ok, maybe I'm very good with my pen...maybe I'm braver, more articulate, better able to assemble my thoughts, but in all, that doesn't make me a weak person. In fact, it's better to be able to assemble your thoughts on paper. Sometimes spur-of-the-moment comments may and will hurt people. I know this by experience. I also know that the pen is like a sword in that if it isn't used properly, it can hurt deeply. Words can't be taken back. Once they are out there, they float and repeat themselves for as long as the mind wills them to re-play. I have used my pen to hurt others in the past, and for this, I am not a proud person. Not only have I used my pen, but also, I have used my tongue. Both of these have grieved me to my innermost being. But all I can do is apologize, pick myself up and go on...and NEVER do it again. Most importantly, I need to forgive myself. We often expect others to forgive us, but we leave out one important thing, forgiveness of ones' self.
       So, in the wee hours of the morning, I sit here and lift my voice in praise and worship to my all-mighty God! I can use my pen to glorify Him and Him alone, for without Him, I wouldn't have this ability. "All of creation sing with me now, fill up the Heavens, let His glory resound." I love these words because all of creation does praise her maker...look at the sun as it salutes the morning sky, the flowers as they open in adoration to their king, the deer in the field lifts its' head in strength and beauty to the creator of all...the birds sing to their maker, the giant trees bow in awe, and yet, we as humans often miss this opportunity to praise our Creator, our King, our Heavenly Father...He is the creator of ALL things, He has breathed life into our lifeless beings, He is the reason I sing, the reason I write, the reason I wake up in the morning! Oh God, if only everyone on this Earth could really understand Your magnificence, Your power...how the ground trembles at Your voice. It is You who gives life and takes it away. I know that You are my only Saviour, my only Provider. I lift my voice to You, for You are my everything!