Falling Asleep

       Sinking back into the pillowy cloud of nothingness...staring blankly at the sky, quiet tears rolled down her face, burning into the memory of her heart. Nothing could erase all that she had done...nothing could ease the inner pain. No one could ever imagine the turmoil deep inside, for she only showed this weakness within the shadows. She had grown accustomed to burying any feeling she ever felt deep within...no love, no hate, no happiness, no pain would ever be shown to anyone, not even her closest friends. She couldn't allow any sign of weakness to taint what she had become. She wouldn't shed a tear for anyone to see. And, so she lay there within the darkness, all alone...nothing to keep her company except maybe her pillow. Her chest was burning and squeezing with this pain, so great that she wondered if she would ever see the light of day again. How long could she hold onto this facade? How long before she broke? Before these feelings came flooding and crashing her own made-up world? Could she ever really trust or allow anyone in? Could she really know who cared for her and who didn't? Could she ever allow herself to love with a love so deep, none of this would matter? She didn't know the answers to any of these questions....all she could do was lay there, quietly, and fall asleep...

Resurfacing

       Falling into an abyss of nothingness, blackness all around me...tears flood my eyes and stream down my face, but I still look up, up to the light I can see but a glimpse through the fog. A vice squeezes my heart as terror floods my veins, but I can't give up...I won't loose control for I am still strong inside. Wrapping my arms around myself, I bow my head...no words to say, just a whimper speaking volumes. I press my face to the cold ground and close my eyes, heart pounding in my ears. I listen in the darkness for an answer; no one really knows where I am but me....hurtful words fly my way, accusations of mistrust and anger, driving deep into my soul like knives, slicing at my heart leaving open wounds...I push deeper inside as the fog compasses my very being. Then out of the mist, comes an answer, an answer of care...I cry until I can't cry anymore, relief flooding my heart, cleansing my open wounds, healing me from the inside out. I choose to forgive, I choose to stand tall and resurface....