The Day I Met You

       The following is a poem that will be in my novel that I am currently writing. I thoroughly enjoyed writing it, and I thought that it would be nice to share it now. My novel is historical fiction written during the Civil War era and speaks highly of both sides of our country, the division, the brokenness, the togetherness and the love that still remained. I hope you all have a blessed Thanksgiving holiday!

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When I First Saw You

I never dreamed that I would fall asleep

That my sleep would be the sleep of angels

Carrying me away to a place unknown

Where the waters are crystal clear

And the grass is an emerald green

They carried me away

And I felt it was a dream,

The kind of dream where

I never want to wake up

Nor do I ever want it to end….

I felt free and liberated

And for a little while

I knew that I had forgotten all that

Still lived down on Earth

All that was a great part of my life

A giant part of my soul

I lived in this fantasy land where nothing went wrong

And everything flowed perfectly

The flowers bloomed and their fragrance, so sweet

The song of the birds joined the melody of the angelic choir

I fell asleep and I never wanted for it to end….

I felt no pain, and I felt no sadness

No tears came to my eyes

And no sorrow resided within my heart

I only felt the joy that resonated

From what was all around me

The tranquility, the peace

The love and bright light of hope….

The angels took me away

They brought me through a bright light

Into this mysterious land

Everyone was smiling

No one was sad

Sadness never existed here…..

I don’t know how long I was gone….

I don’t know how long I lingered here, in this place

I could’ve stayed here forever

I could’ve never gone back

I would’ve forgotten all those that loved me

Down here on Earth

Their memories would be but a dream

I once shared

A blissful part of a past memory

I know I would only feel a happiness not my own

A tranquility that I can’t describe…..

Then, I woke up to reality

The pain hit me like a ton of bricks

Shooting to every recess of my broken body

And torn heart within my chest

For a few moments,

I couldn’t breathe without the pain being unbearable

My swollen eyes struggled to open

I wiggled my fingers and toes

I remembered everything

And pieces of nothing

Dense fog came and went in waves

I was as if a dying man

Buried in a sea of chained memories

A wagon-full of what reality really was….

Then, I opened my eyes

At first, I thought I was dreaming

For I saw your face

More beautiful than anything I could imagine

An angel dressed in white…

Where was I?

What was happening?

What was real and what was a dream?

I felt pain, far greater than anything I could have dreamed

Yet, you stood there, watching over me

Tenderly caring for my broken body

I think I don’t want to wake up

I think if this is real

 I want it to last forever

This time, I remember everything

This time, I feel pain and sorrow

But I also feel something else

Today, I met you, my angel in disguise

And I don’t ever want to let you go….

 

 

           



Dark Your Path May Appear...

 

 

The way you close your eyes and think when you open them

Everything will have been just a long bad dream...

The way you choke back any tears that may surface

Because to cry in front of others is to make yourself a little less,

Or so you think...

The way you feel as if you are all alone in this world

Even if there is always someone there to say, "I love you..."

The way you walk into an empty house and just wish that for once

Just one time, the floor would open and swallow you whole....

The way you listen to those around you and you hear what they have to say

But it just seems to vanish into the night, like fleeting wisps of air...

The way it hurts to smile anymore because you know you are empty

There is something missing

There is something that isn't right

You have everyone

Yet have no one

Any words of comfort burn holes into your skin

Melting you into total nothingness

Making you feel like the monster you have learned to hate....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

       The last couple of weeks have been a trying and testing time in my life. I am happy to say that things are starting to look up for me. I had some trying times throughout several parts of my life between learning more about myself and how I respond to certain situations. One thing that remains true is knowing if the same thing happens over and over again in ones' life, it probably stands to note that a certain lesson has not been learned in that given situation. If the lesson had been learned, so much turmoil wouldn't be felt over and over, but instead, we would be able to brush it off and move on with our life.

      For years, I have felt totally misunderstood, and I would become terribly frustrated with that knowledge. It was like whatever I did, someone had to question me as if I was a moron or had never really lived on this planet, Earth. More and more every day, I am beginning to not only understand myself but also am beginning to be okay with who I am. People still scratch their heads at me, but it really doesn't matter, because why I did something cannot always be answered, even by me.

       I refuse to become jaded from experiences and trials that have crossed my path. I refuse to give up on the dreams and goals that I have set for myself. I set my standards ridiculously high, in many people's minds, but the truth of the matter is, what is the definition of  "ridiculously high?" Is it really absurd to dream a dream? Is it also absurd to dare reach beyond the stars? I think not.

       For example: when I was a Senior in high school, I set a goal to become the valedictorian, and I accomplished that goal. Who cares if my Senior class was small...what matters is that it was reached. I also continued to tell everyone that I would go to college and graduate with my Bachelor's in English and music....once again, those goals were met. I also said that I would meet and marry the man of my dreams and be married by August 2003. I remember the laughter and comments and the rolling of eyes...."Oh, Elizabeth! You can't possibly know that or predict the future!" "Oh, Elizabeth, you have a great sense of humor!" I would become miffed because I really believed in my dreams becoming a reality, and they did. I said that I would have the perfect family: one girl and one boy. I have both. I am not a fortune teller. I cannot predict the future.

        The thing is this: all of those things happened and then....NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!! All of that happened and no more goals were set. It was as if my life was over...oh, it wasn't over per say, but what else? I became stagnant....I became depressed. I became lost....I was sinking and there was nobody around to help me back up. I was desperately floating and living each and every day like a lifeless robot. There was not one single person who truly tried to help me out of it. I will say this though....my husband did try and he was at a loss of what to do. We actually both were struggling in our lives. We both were lost. We were alone.

       Then God graciously began to open my eyes little by little, and it was through a really good friend of mine that I began to see life a little differently. I began to stop pointing my fingers at everyone around me and instead, I began to look in the mirror. I didn't see anyone but just ME. You see, my spirit has been broken into a million pieces by different things that have happened throughout my life, but God has been healing me piece by piece. Every day, I choose to forgive. Every single day, I choose to stop and not become angry at the drop of a hat. Every day I am practicing to see others as Christ would see them. I am tested and tried every single minute of every day. I don't have to always be right. I also have nothing to prove to anyone. I am a Christian, and I do not live with condemnation.

       For years, I lived in a world where God was the "BIG MEANY" up there in Heaven, and I must mind my "p's and q's." Now, I live each and every day of my life knowing that He loves me and forgave me the minute I trusted in Him. My path is no longer dark. I have set a few new goals, and my life is moving forward. Life is good, and I give all of the credit to Him.