My Journey

       This has been a long journey, my health and all. I have to say that it has been on my mind since I was about 17, and I really don't want to pass that down to my own daughter. I will conquer this once and for all. I know that I have blogged over and over about this subject, but I am learning more things about myself in the past weeks and months of my life. I have learned that no one will help me with this like I want them to. I have learned that I can't blame anyone but myself. I have learned that most of the time I am not hungry or unmotivated, but I choose to take the "easy way out." I do know that, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." I look at some women in my life who have conquered this thing, and I tip my hat off to them. I also know that I refuse to give up. Yes, statements like, "You looked good," and "What did you do last time?" really get under my skin but it makes me mad enough to do something about this. I have been exercising more than I did a year ago, I do know that. I hurt afterwards, but I know that it's because I work so hard. I have lost 4 pounds this past week, but I know that that is just the beginning.
       Along with this journey is a spiritual journey that I continue to travel. I know that I have in no way arrived, but I also know that I am farther than I was a year ago. I am thankful for Godly parents who pray for me because God's grace is amazing in my life. I am thankful that I had the privilege to grow up in a Christian home because clearly it has been engraved in my heart. I can't go a single Sunday without going to church, and if I do miss, I feel like something is missing. Just going into the house of God, worshipping in His presence, makes the worries of the week fade into the background. I know that there is so much to learn in this life. I also know that I long to continue to be a witness for Him. I really miss singing. Music was/is my life. I sang constantly and played the piano. I was learning the guitar but kind of got away from that. I think that music has a healing power, and I know that for a fact as it has found it's healing power through the words that touch my heart.
        This is just the beginning of my journey. This is just a scratch off of the surface into my everyday life. I know that I am a work in progress, but I also know that I have and do obtain my goals. I have in the past, and I will continue to do so.

Reflection

       From about Saturday evening until this moment, I've been having an inner, personel struggle. No one knows but God, Himself...I stumbled upon this song on Sunday evening, and I've been playing it over and over again, singing along with an earnestness, only I understand. I long to feel His embrace, to know He is with me all of the time, and in fact, He is...I often try to pretend I can "do this life" all by myself and when that happens, I begin feeling so lost...we were not made to live this life alone...we were not made to be independent but to be co-dependent on Him, the ONE who made us. Until we recognize that fact, we will stumble and continue to fall and feel all alone in this world. Until we acknowledge that we are in fact NOT alone, and we cannot heal from all of our pain and sorrow on our own, we will continue to drown in our own sorrow and smother in the bed we created. I lose myself so many times, but in the end, I realize I'm not really lost....I just forgot to look behind me. Behind me and within, I have the ultimate map to this life. Within, I have the strength capable of doing anything I set my sights on and my dreams and desires will fall into place.
       "I can feel your presence here with me, suddenly I'm lost within your beauty. Caught up in the wonder of your touch, here in this moment I surrender. I surrender to your grace, I surrender to the one who took my place."