So much is swirling around inside my head at this present moment...I just returned from Ohio, my home-town. It's always refreshing to go "home" because while there I reflect on my childhood and always come home ready to tackle the world. I had the opportunity to really take a deep hard look at myself. I was able to take a walk one morning and really evaluate several things in my life and really seek God's face. I asked Him for some answers, and while He didn't answer every single question at that present moment, I was able to find the answers before I left.
My heart is full right now. I look back at my life and am reminded of two traumatic things that happened to me and how I grew from those moments. While living them, I thought I wouldn't survive. I thought I wasn't strong enough to face another day. The desire to flee as far as my legs could take me was simply overwhelming at that present time. I remember the sleepless nights and the pools of tears, the heart-break and the feeling of abandonment. Looking back, I couldn't be what I am today without those instances. I don't wish what I lived for anyone else, and if I had to live it again, I think I probably would because they brought me to where I am today, strong and able to "stand against the whiles of the devil." Living those moments have not only strengthened me but has helped me with the residents at my current job.
2011 was a year of many changes in my life. I reflect on the many things that transpired. It had it's ups and it's downs. I was able to influence many residents at the facility I worked. I realized one thing through everything...this life is not about me, it's about spreading the LOVE of God Himself. I couldn't have made it through some of the heart-ache without Him. I poured my heart into my job; while some just looked at it as a "job" I chose to look at it as a ministry. I look into the eyes of these kids and see a world of pain. I look at them and see that they are starving for love and attention. When I throw my hands up into the air, sigh a deep breath and want to give up on them, I realize that that isn't an option. They've been abandoned in some shape or form throughout their lives and don't need another "abandonment." This program has made me realize that I really want to be a therapist. I want to sit down with a person who is broken and I want to help them find the tools they need to not only survive but live again. I am at a point in my life where I feel I should have all of this settled, but then I look in the mirror and see that I still have the rest of my life.
I can't say that I made "NEW YEAR'S" resolutions for 2012, but I can say that I've made some major decisions which I plan to follow through. I am 31 years old, and I am a firm believer in always setting goals and dreams to accomplish. I remember being in high school when everyone was asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I simply had a plan which I ended up following through with. I accomplished every single thing on my "list." I ask myself what I want to be when I grow up now, and I can come up with a list because I really have realized that while down here on earth, we really never "grow up." We can still be growing every day of our lives until the day we pass on. I plan to keep growing because to not grow is to become stagnant and stunted. I am reminded of an awesome saying I heard on one of my favorite movies, "Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it."
