Seriously, Why?

       If you are reading this and feel offended, I cannot apologize for how I feel. Why? Because I'm human and have feelings...yesterday, I had a serious break-down at my place of work, and it made no sense to me except I was already struggling and my mind went on vacation. All reasoning with my senses to stop myself were gone, and I felt out of control. All I can remember is feeling totally out of control as our walkies did NOT work, and I needed to help my co-workers but totally needed assistance of other co-workers...the rest is a blur as I ran for help...the rest was a total mental melt-down I swore I would NEVER allow to happen...I was shaking, my mind was frozen as I cried uncontrollably with no reasoning that I needed to take a deep breath and just BREATHE. I was on my way up to the admin building to throw my keys at our campus director's door, then the next thing I could reason that I needed to get in my car and just drive home and hold my own kids close to me...I was DONE...I wasn't coming back because, like I said, all reasoning was out the window. I am blessed to have friends at work...friends who could stop me...I was able to sit down on the kitchen floor as my friend talked all reasoning back into my frozen mind...I was so upset with myself for losing it. Seriously? Could I ever make it in combat? Did I actually ever think I could join the Army? That's what I wanted to do before I received the phone call for this job....then I get this job and freeze over a CHILD? I guess, I am human after all....when all was said and done, I had a hard time re-focusing the rest of the day, but I made it....I was so exhausted I could barely talk to my husband when I went home that night...I was supposed to do a sleep-over but my sweet friend wouldn't let me...she took my place...God only knows that He has given me some great friends in this line of work...I question over and over what I have gotten myself into then I remember the kids who make it all worth while, some which have already left and completed the program. I remember some of my girls currently in my cottage who I know that I am making a difference in their lives...I go to work for them. I can't worry about the one who screamed obscenities every time I passed her last night....I can't worry about her screaming that no one wants me there anymore....I can't allow those words hurt me because it all boils down to the other 9 girls who need me to stay there for them...to show them that I will be one person who won't walk out of their life....yes, this is WHY...