Sometimes I feel like I'm in the wrong profession even though I've dreamed of this for a long while. After being on vacation for a week, I returned yesterday and was overwhelmed by the response of my girls. I took the time to listen to them and talk to them for a while. Then I was snapped back to reality around 6:30 last night when tensions were high during evening group. You could cut the tension in the air, it was so thick. I remembered that these kids don't have their coping skills fully developed; so, it was like I was talking to the wall. There comes a point where what I am saying is like I am speaking a foreign language to these girls; I guess I could start speaking Spanish at some point and they might stop dead in their tracks....:) Oh, I love my job...don't get me wrong. I suppose what I am saying is that sometimes life has a way of bringing you back to reality.
While I was spending time with my family last week, their lives went on, behind the walls of placement...they weren't enjoying family, making memories to last a lifetime. I look back at last week and truly realize how blessed I have been. How I am blessed to have a dad and mom who love me...how I have a wonderful brother and sister with many memories of our growing up years...I was closer to my sister, but I have distinct memories of her and my baby brother's birth. I was 4 when she was born and 8 when he was born. I don't ever remember neglect, hate or abuse....I married into a family similar to mine only they are true Southern-folk, which I always wanted to be apart of. (Southern hospitality is amazing....nothing like the Yankees :) I've experienced true love all of my 30 years...oh, I've had my own set of heart-aches...I was blessed to know love; so, I am able to give alot of love to others around me.
These children that I work with daily, don't really know true love. I've heard alot of their stories which often bring tears to my eyes when they aren't looking. I can't imagine not knowing love....I can't imagine losing close family and even friends to death at an early age. The closest thing to death I've experienced was my cousin's murder when I was 18...then, Josh's grandma in 2007 and his grandpa last September...
Then, I see all of this pain around me these last couple of weeks....pain of a different kind with several friends of the family, pain of a close loved one struggling inwardly, pain of a friend's losing a brother, pain of a friend remembering that yesterday would've been her brother's 30th birthday, then today, the pain of a young girl losing her husband so early to cancer. I see so much pain all around me, and I could allow it to make me depressed with life in general; instead, I have decided to embrace life with a passion. I have decided to take all of the love given to me these past 30 years and give it to others. I will still continue going to work, and loving what I do and showing these kids that I really do care. Even when I am running to an assistance call or am on the ground in a restraint....even when I am ready for yet ANOTHER vacation, I will still give my love to those around me....why? That's what Jesus would do.
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