Decisions are very much a part of life. Most of the time, they really aren't fun to make because you start to second-guess yourself. I am learning to wait on the Lord this time around. Sometimes, my mind wants to rush things, but my heart says to slow down. I know that everything will work out the way it's supposed to when the time is right. Sometimes, this waiting can make you think that nothing is going to happen, that everything will hang in limbo forever. But as life has shown me in the past, that most likely will not be the case.
I have this gift that I've had now since I was about 16, and that is, I kind of can "see" the future. No, I'm not psychic, but I remember telling everyone that I would go to college and meet the man of my dreams; I then told people that I would be married the summer of 2003. Both of those things came true. Right around the time I started to date my future husband, I knew in my heart that I was about to meet him. I started fasting every single Tuesday and pray that I would be ready and he'd be ready for me. Not even two months after that, we started dating. I just knew that I'd meet him soon, and it happened. No, I'm not crazy! Also, both days that I had my children, I knew when I woke up that morning that I would be going into labor by evening and my babies would be entering the world. This time, I know in my heart of hearts that I am about to reach the next level in my life. I know that our lives will be changing, for the better, to a higher plain in learning and growing. I believe God has been preparing us for this moment, this life decision.
I refuse to become bitter or angry at anyone in this process. I only know that I will not miss it; I will be ready. So, these decisions will be made soon....just don't know exactly when. Until then, like the artist said in his song, While I'm Waiting, "While I'm waiting, I will serve you...."
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Temper Tantrums and Computers
So, I'm having what I thought was a normal morning until I picked up a glass of water and tripped on my JW's monster trucks sending the cup and water flying in the air and onto my laptop. I wasn't a very happy camper, but I remembered that I had bought the one-year waranty from Best Buy when I bought the computer in February. Thank the Lord that I decided to do that, too, or I'd be out of a laptop because I'm not buying another one or paying to have it fixed!
We get to Best Buy and end up having to stand in line forever. My kids were being angels, but then it got to the point where the "Geek Squad" was taking forever! We finally were next, and the technician takes a look at my computer and tries to shove the cord into the side so he can plug it in. All of the sudden, he is telling me my chord is no good because the prong inside is bent! I sternly told him that it wasn't like that when I packed it up this morning and brought it in. He insisted that it was, and we went back and forth a little bit before he finally admitted he was the one shoving the chord into my computer and it was his fault. So, thankfully, they are sending it off to be "gutted" and re-done with a new motherboard and plug. I'm thankful that I still have my desk-top because that's how I've been looking for jobs...online on my laptop!
So, we are done, and I told my kids since they were good, we would go and get a movie or something. I pick one out that was on sale, and we were about to check-out and JW takes the movie and throws it down and says, "I DON'T WANT IT!" So, I say, "Ok, then, let's go," take the movie, put it back in the bin and start to leave with my kids in tow. About this time, JW thinks he is getting "the raw end of the deal" and begins kicking and screaming all the way to the car. People stop and stare and some even laugh and say things like, "Awe, how cute!" or "He's adorable!" I'm not really thinking so as I continue to the van. He continued to kick and scream as I drove down the road, throwing his Plex and making a ruckus...I had had enough, so I pulled over in the Home Depot parking lot and had a talk with the little man! Needless to say, he's been an angel ever since!
I can't wait for the day when my kids can go out in public and not throw fits and let the world know just how they feel. The only thing is, they don't pull many of those stunts at home...just out in public! Wow, a day in the life of a mom! :)
We get to Best Buy and end up having to stand in line forever. My kids were being angels, but then it got to the point where the "Geek Squad" was taking forever! We finally were next, and the technician takes a look at my computer and tries to shove the cord into the side so he can plug it in. All of the sudden, he is telling me my chord is no good because the prong inside is bent! I sternly told him that it wasn't like that when I packed it up this morning and brought it in. He insisted that it was, and we went back and forth a little bit before he finally admitted he was the one shoving the chord into my computer and it was his fault. So, thankfully, they are sending it off to be "gutted" and re-done with a new motherboard and plug. I'm thankful that I still have my desk-top because that's how I've been looking for jobs...online on my laptop!
So, we are done, and I told my kids since they were good, we would go and get a movie or something. I pick one out that was on sale, and we were about to check-out and JW takes the movie and throws it down and says, "I DON'T WANT IT!" So, I say, "Ok, then, let's go," take the movie, put it back in the bin and start to leave with my kids in tow. About this time, JW thinks he is getting "the raw end of the deal" and begins kicking and screaming all the way to the car. People stop and stare and some even laugh and say things like, "Awe, how cute!" or "He's adorable!" I'm not really thinking so as I continue to the van. He continued to kick and scream as I drove down the road, throwing his Plex and making a ruckus...I had had enough, so I pulled over in the Home Depot parking lot and had a talk with the little man! Needless to say, he's been an angel ever since!
I can't wait for the day when my kids can go out in public and not throw fits and let the world know just how they feel. The only thing is, they don't pull many of those stunts at home...just out in public! Wow, a day in the life of a mom! :)
Waiting...
I've been "playing" this waiting game for the past 4 1/2 years of my life, and each and every day I am reminded to just be patient and keep on waiting because God has His perfect timing in our lives. Almost 5 years ago, I had a severe awakening in my life, and my world was traumatically shaken to my very core. It was at that point in my life that I had to make a choice...a choice I believe did take me in the direction that I am currently taking. I had a choice to stay bitter, angry and sick with grief. I am human, so I wasn't perfect in that area, but through time, I realized that I could go on in life and it would be okay. I decided through all of that to stay close to my God. I poured over the pages of His Words with many a tear falling down my face. Through counselling with two great people of God, I was able to heal with time. Now, it's just been waiting time...a time to wait on God to show me and my family the path we are to take. Yes, I still become frustrated because I think that the answers should just come naturally and quickly, but then I am gently reminded to just wait on the Lord...I must say that waiting, has been teaching me patience...it has tried my faith and it has made me a stronger person. Sometimes God just wants us to learn a few things in life...sometimes, we just need to mature as a person and learn the "love walk" before we can move on. I know that I have come a long way because I know that I am not the same person that I was 10 years ago. I see where I have changed for the better, but I also know that I am still a "work in progress." I thank my God for His gently patience and love to me everyday of my life. Now, I'm still patiently waiting....what does He have in store?
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Dear God,
My heart cries out to YOU tonight as my heart is heavy with the sadness in my family this evening. My Uncle Rick passed away last night; I didn't realize he had bad health. All that I know is he is my aunt's second husband to pass away suddenly in the past 6 years. Also, my heart is heavy for my friend, Mary....her 15 year old boy was flown to Baltimore Thursday with second and third degree burns. She was so beside herself. I can't stand it when people are hurting, especially my family and friends. It feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I don't know how to express grief sometimes....all I know to do is cry and write, write until my fingers stop and my heart is at peace. God, I don't know how to help the hurting....Aunt Barb has lost four husbands to death...I can't imagine to love four times let alone lose that love of your life four times. God, You must have a special place in Heaven for her....take good care of her tonight, God. I wish I could be with her...with the family. Oh God, please, I beg of You....let my family know You're there tonight....that you are the Biggest Presence in the room. Wrap your arms around them, around Aunt Barb. Wrap your arms around Mary and her son, Adam. He is in so much pain....I can't imagine...I know Mary is beside herself because she can't help Adam but she wishes she could. She, too, has suffered alot in her life. I want to help the hurting, and I don't know how....I just don't know how....help me to know how.............................AMEN.
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