It's a SLOW Fade

Things just don't fall apart in a day; somehow through time, they began to erode and fall apart piece by piece. If you think you woke up one morning and your life was suddenly a disaster, you are wrong. It took time...it didn't take seconds...it started out small, and then through time, things began to crash around you. This is what happened to me 4 years ago. I had to learn the hard way. This is a memory that hurts me to the core, but I believe that I can now testify that I learned and can go on. I believe that someone out there can learn from me and my mistakes. So, this is my story, my testimony of God's grace.
When I was married, I moved into a trailer that my husband had purchased before we married. I had no say in the matter which at the time didn't bother me; looking back, I would've said no to dissolve any future hurt. Hind-sight is always 20/20 though. He was working a really good job in Aberdeen, MD, and I was to be working, teaching at the church's school. I have to say I learned a lot that year. I loved teaching the few kids I had. I just enjoyed everything about the job; it confirmed that I was born to be a teacher whether in a school or just to my kids. I was married in August of 2003, but by January of 2004, Josh had lost his job. He was actually told to quit or he would be fired. It all had to do with him calling off work due to being sick and such. Let's just say that we were so immature during that year. When I married him, I was so stupid! I thought that it was all about me, and boy was I wrong. I'd get so furious when he'd sit and play video games, and the majority of our arguments had to do with that or his family which I was sure hated me. As soon as I married him, they changed into the "monster in-laws" not the sweet people who loved me when I was dating him. Looking back, I see they were going through their own set of problems with their church, and were just taking it out on everyone around them. We have a great relationship today.
I found out I was pregnant in March of 2004, and this without a stable job for Josh, I was scared to death. I didn't have my mom their with me to teach me what I was going through. I asked questions, but I was so beside myself without my mom, it was unreal. I ate and ate and realized that that caused all of my problems including the gestational diabetes and anemia. Along with the family turmoil, I was 9 months pregnant with my Charity when the bank foreclosed on our trailer. Let's just say, I was the bitterest at God that I've ever felt in my whole entire life! Instead of encouragement to get back on our feet, Josh's family treated us as if we had the plague. How dare we bring a child into this world without stability! Like it was our fault in that matter. God knew what He was doing through this all. We had many lessons to be learned, and we learned them...the hard way. I thought my parents would want to kill Josh, but I was overwhelmed when they were very supportive and understanding. They knew we were immature, and had to learn some life lessons.
Josh went through one temporary job after another. He would finish one and then get another one, but soon those began to fade. God didn't want us in that area anymore, and we knew it. Yet, we fought hard because we didn't know what to do or where to go. We moved in with his parents, a major mistake by the way. I had Charity at the end of October 2004, and I loved her so much. I didn't think life could be any worse, yet God had given me a gift, a joy to my heart showing me His love...I named her Charity Joy. After 15 1/2 hours of intense labor, her vitals were dropping drastically, and they rushed me in for an emergency C-section. She was born at 1:24 pm on October 26 weighing 6 lbs. and 8 oz. I fell asleep holding her close to me.
Through all of this, Josh's dad told him to call a dear friend, Dr. Owens. He did, and we were invited to come and talk to him one weekend. We came that weekend with the hope of starting over somewhere no one knew us except him and his family. We were given that olive branch of hope, and we took it. So, we took the next three months to find a place. It came down to having to leave immediately because a certain member in the church was feeding my in laws lies about me and Josh. We were threatened to have our baby removed, and in the end, we said some nasty words, took Charity one Friday night and fled to safety. I still remember that night. Charity had not been sleeping through the night at all, and our car had been broken down. We got in the car, and drove with no problem as far as Fredrick, MD. We checked into a hotel. I remember Charity slept all night for the first time as I tossed and turned in fear. Josh had a shotgun with him. We had no idea what to do. My parents came and got me the next morning and took me with them as Josh went back to tie everything up.
Lies began to spread around the church that I was going to divorce Josh and that I left him. It was all wrong and hurtful. Yes, through this all, I was holding anger in my heart towards him. On February 18, 2005, we moved into an apartment in Martinsburg, WV. We were told not to talk to anyone from that church let alone contact them again. How hurtful to Josh to be banned by his own family. How insane and happy we were moving to downtown Martinsburg! It was a one bedroom apartment, actually a huge house divided up into two apartments. I loved it. It wasn't the best living conditions, but I have to say, I never felt so at home as I did.
I couldn't believe the love that was poured over us from our new church. I was so hurt that it took me a while to heal. I sat in every church service and just wept. I didn't trust a soul. I walked around with pain in my eyes, and I must have seemed like I was mad at the world, but I didn't know who to trust or if I ever should again. We went into marriage and life counselling for the next several months with our pastor, Dr. Jeff Owens. He loved us unconditionally. It didn't matter what we had done or experienced. He taught me how to love my husband. He taught my husband how to love me, how to not be so bitter. And soon layer after layer of pain and hurt began to fall away. In two week, it will be 4 years since we moved here. We had our baby boy here...our lives are here for now. I can't imagine how my life would've turned out without my God. I was so ready to give up on the Christian life altogether. I realized that family will not always be there for me. Not everyone is as privileged to have a family like mine, loving and understanding.
Don't misunderstand me now; I am now building a relationship with Josh's parents. They are not bad people. We were all broken at the time. Broken people say and do things that are not them. I believe the devil was trying to destroy a pastor and his family. He was using people like that one family to tear us all apart. Lies were spread and believed. It was all Satanic. I know now I have power over Satan the world with the WORD of GOD. THANK YOU, JESUS!