PAIN

       How do you describe pain? All of the adjectives in the world can't describe the pain some people feel inside. The loss of a parent, raising a sibling when you are only still a child yourself...being neglected, physically and emotionally. The type of abuse not even you can describe appropriately...I see it in the eyes of a child and my heart breaks into a thousand pieces...memories flood my heart and I remember walking down the streets of Chicago, what seems like another lifetime yet only 10 years ago when I was only 18, 19 and 20...I remember walking into their homes, seeing the chaos, seeing the brokenness, feeling the heartache when I just wanted to scoop up a small child out of their situation...I wanted to take them home with me and tell them that this doesn't have to be their life forever. I remember one home that I visited had several foster boys; I forget how many boys lived there...anyway, their foster mom loved them very much, and she made every effort to allow them to ride our bus every Sunday. I can just see Chicago in my mind's eye right now...I'm pretty sure if I was dropped off where I used to walk every Saturday, I probably wouldn't be lost...I'd probably be able to find my way to at least some of the houses I used to visit.
       But I'm not in Chicago anymore....I'm here in West Virginia where there are still broken stories...I have to hold back the tears and remain strong as they tell me about how their mom died when they were 3 or even 5, the same age as my own babies. I hold my breath  to stay strong as they tell me that when they are home, they are required to be the "MOM" to their siblings. Then I stood there while in group yesterday afternoon and watched a girl who usually flips out at the drop of a hat, apologize to a new staff member for giving her a hard time and that she will work on doing better...I think all of us, staff members, were ready to cry. That was a HUGE step in her life. I think what hurts me the most is the type of pain I see when they cut themselves....I've read that that is their way of coping with the inner pain they are feeling....they don't know any other outlet for pain.
       All of this brings me down to my subject...how do you properly describe PAIN? Is it the stabbing feeling in the pit of your stomach that a loved one is gone...is it the sinking feeling that you no longer have a home...is it the gnawing feeling that your lift has shifted in a way you didn't expect...is it the loss of your baby that was so very much apart of you as you carried it inside...is it the rejection of someone you thought cared....is it the loss of someone you thought was your friend....is the horrible pressure in the middle of your chest when you feel you can't breathe as you panic that nothing will ever slow down long enough for you to stand on two feet????? It can be any one of these things mentioned and so much more....how do you properly describe how someone is feeling? How can it be put on paper? I don't even think it's humanly possible to describe what the heart is truly feeling...you can only imagine, empathize and do the best that you can...especially if you have never been in a similar situation.
        As we all walk our daily life, we all should stop at some point and realize that we aren't the only ones who exist....someone somewhere is crying himself to sleep...someone is weeping over a fresh grave...someone holds their son or daughter's dog-tags close to their heart, wishing they could say, "I love you," one more time...someone is alone and wondering where their next meal is coming from....some child is hiding in a closet while their parent is passed out drunk or fried...some mother is looking down at an empty crib where all of her dreams are gone...someone, somewhere is in PAIN....