FOREVER

       It was only a week ago that I was with the whole family in Ohio...it was a week ago that I saw my Grandma Tirado in the morning, went over my sister's house to watch NEW MOON, then celebrated my Grandma Wetzl's 87th Birthday that evening. Time and existence seem surreal sometimes especially when someone passes from this earth into eternity. My second cousin, Jimmy Wetzl, was in a tragic accident last Wednesday morning and passed that evening. He was only a year younger than my daddy, and they grew up spending alot of time together. I sometimes feel that time is speeding right in front of my eyes. As I sat in the room with my Grandma Wetzl and watched her as she blew out her candles, I was remember Easters past when we used to gather in my uncle's basement and sang "Happy Birthday" to her...that was when I was a little girl...years have passed and I see the same family, now older, yet they all have the same humor. I happen to feel that even though the body ages, the spirit doesn't. That spirit is built to last FOREVER. We are immortal beings even if our bodies don't live forever. The part of us that laughs, cries, sings, talks, lives forever. When you love me, you love my spirit, the part of me that communes with you. One day, my tongue will be silenced, but I will live FOREVER. My eyes may close in death, you may never hear my voice again on this earth, my arms may never embrace you again, but my spirit lives FOREVER in eternity.
       You may wonder how I am so certain, how I am so at peace with the fact that I know where my spirit will go when I die. I questioned it over and over again throughout the years as I was growing up. I just wasn't grounded in how and why I believed the way I did. Don't get me wrong; my parents raised me in a great Christian home. My dad is a pastor, and every evening, my mom read us a story from the Bible. We prayed before each meal, I was sent to a private school. I was given every opportunity to know where I'd spend eternity. Actually, when I was 7 years old, I knelt beside my bed, right after school, and told God that I was a sinner, I knew Jesus died for me and I asked Jesus in my heart. I believe I was saved that very day, but I really became confused throughout the years as bitterness crept in due to the way some "Christians" treated me and my family. I didn't understand how someone could call themselves a Christian and still act like Satan's brother or sister. I remember being so angry and bitter as a teenager and allowing these people to steal my joy. I hated them with my whole being, all the while going through the motions of being a Christian myself. Yes, I went to church, read my Bible, played the piano in church, sang in the choir...you name it, I probably did it and you would never know all that was brewing under the surface.
       Then, we ran into my dad's cousins who didn't live that far from us. I remember going over their house and my dad talking to them; they even came to church with us for a little while. The little girl, Bridget, was about 10 and she would stop by my school on her way home from her own school. I was a Senior in high school. She was my "ray of sunshine" and I enjoyed talking to her. When she was murdered, I was in such a fog that anyone could hurt such an innocent child. I was angry at God. Mind you, we weren't extremely close, but they had just come into our lives and I was just getting to know my third cousin who shared my last name. I carried that anger and bitterness into college with me. Then while sitting in chapel in December of 1999, I heard a message that kind of put my whole life into perspective. The speaker talked about how his family was in a tragic accident and as his little girl lay bleeding on the road in the pouring rain, he knew that those may have been the last minutes he had with her. He put it into God's hands. I sat there and didn't understand how he could do that. I was confused as to how he could be so calm all the while knowing he may lose his one daughter and have a vegetable with his other daughter. Tears poured down my face and my heart was troubled for the rest of that day.
       That night, when I got off work, I walked back to the chapel and just sat there and cried. I knew everything there was to know about Christianity except the faith part. I was bogged down with anger, guilt and bitterness. All of this was clouding up my spiritual vision and I could not see straight to know whether or not I'd be going to Heaven when I closed my eyes in death. Then this story of FAITH struck me to my core. I was tired of hating people who had messed with my head...I was tired of being angry at all authority just because a few of my authority had taken advantage of their authority and done me and my sister and brother wrong. AND I was tired of being angry at God for allowing my cousin to be murdered. In all, I had blamed God for everything. That very evening, I decided to talk to my dean the next morning. I went to her office and told her everything. She said something that has been with me since. "Liz, how dare you blame God for something He didn't do. He has loved you and will always love you." I bowed my head with tear streaming down my 19-year old face and prayed...I asked God for forgiveness and asked Him to be my Savior once and for all. I re-dedicated my life to Him.
       I became God's child at the age of 7, but I truly committed myself when I was 19. I have been through so much since. Many a tear has fallen from my face, but God has always been there for me, picking me up one piece at a time. I have never doubted my faith since that day, December 14, 1999. Today, I am 29, married with two children and working with troubled youth. I look into their eyes and my heart breaks because I wish for  them to know where they will spend eternity. Some of them hate Christianity or anything to that sounds like it. I've even had one resident tell me they were an atheist. My heart's desire would be that Jesus live through me so they can see that I am not out to hurt them but to help them live a fulfilled adult life. So many broken people all around us...if only they knew where they will be FOREVER...