I Once Was Broken Inside....

       I have these visions inside my head, the kind where I'm whole again and back to what I'm supposed to be. I have had some time to think and re-evaluate some things. I know that what has been going on inside of me has been going on for years. The dreams are re-occurring at the most inopportune times. I could go to bed perfectly happy and at peace in my heart and wake up in turmoil. I will begin to panic at the oddest times, and I begin to feel my world spinning out of control and find it hard to breathe and thoughts that are not my own begin to swirl faster and faster until I feel I could faint. These things are not of God. They exist and certain times of the year trigger these thoughts and feelings within me. Those around me just don't understand fully. Unless you've been where I've been, unless you've walked where I've walked, lived what I lived, you won't fully understand. Sure, you can be empathetic, and you can hold my hand and just be there for me in this journey, but not many know and understand these feelings completely.
       I understand that God is not the author of confusion. I understand a Satanic attack on the soul when I see it. Sometimes, when the feelings are there, when the tears won't stop falling, all I can do is go somewhere safe, fall to my knees and continue to cry out to God to help me, to heal me. Why do I write about this? Why do I make myself vulnerable? Maybe it's because there are others out there who feel the same, who understands the pain. Maybe I can help them. As I am helped this upcoming year, I will continue to blog my journey. I will relate my findings. As I seek God's face, as I become closer to Him, I will tell the world. Why? Because I was created to make a difference. I know that is my calling in this life. I was given a voice, a voice to be heard. I truly believe that my voice will become stronger and mightier this upcoming year. God is doing a great work in my life. One of my favorite verses to pray is, "This poor man cried and the Lord heard him and delivered him out of all his trouble."
       So, join me in this journey, my journey, and perhaps your journey. My prayer is that I might be a blessing to someone. That my courage to speak out will help someone else speak out and perhaps get help for themselves. I don't want any pity. That's not my goal. My goal is to help someone out there who is like a "voice crying in the wilderness."