A Little of This and That

       I have come to the conclusion that at this very moment in time, I feel as if I have nothing left to give. I've given and given of myself only to feel as if the reservoir has run dry. I don't feel selfish...only a sense of sadness as I look at what I've given and done in the past 16 months of my life. I enjoy helping others, but sometimes it grows old giving and giving and giving of yourself only to see that what you've done or thought you've done is thrown to the wind. Is it even possible to feel a sense of accomplishment in the line of work I do?  There has to be something because I don't do this for me anyway, but when I see those who don't want to move forward with life but instead say things like, " I really don't care," and you know that they mean it, you begin to wonder what in the world am I doing? 
       So, I look at my own two kids and I see that they are the most precious treasures in my life...a resource of true LOVE. They open my eyes to the reality of family, friendship and a source of self-worth. When I look into my daughter's eyes, I see a confident person....when I hold my son, I feel a deep unconditional love. They are so oblivious to this cold, dark world that we live in. They have no idea what it feels like to be stabbed in the back or lied to on a regular basis. In fact, I call these the "innocent years" that they are now living. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the time when the only thing I worried about was when I had to come inside because it was too dark out to play, where I lived in a "dream world" of playing and acting out books with my sister, where the only thing that was on my mind was what I was doing at the current moment....I didn't have to worry about the future or even recall what I did in the past. I think we, as adults, spend too much time thinking about the past and focusing on the future....we forget what it's like to be a kid and just worry about right now, the moment, this present state...
        My mind is so tired right now and my heart is heavy....I have so much to think about but I think that a good night's rest will soothe my saddened soul...