Through the Looking Glass

She discovered that the path she had been travelling

Would no longer be a safe way home

Shards of glass threatened to pierce her through the heart

And pieces of what appeared to be a golden frame

Lay stagnant in the muck and the mire of the desolate road

She clutched what was left of the tattered pieces of clothing that surrounded her

And braced herself for a brighter tomorrow filled with promises of hope

Her ashen face was painted with the grime and filth from her travels

And her tiny hands shook as she decided to move forward…

Step by step, one foot in front of the other, she walked

Faintly, at first, with blood and tears that streamed down her soiled image

Those who could help, walked idly by, some laughed and some whispered

“Desolate creature,” they called her, one who walked boldly yet alone

Not one soul tried to see that she struggled because she carried herself with grace

Though outwardly, she appeared to be shaken by a heightened battle

Inwardly was a strength that could be seen deep within the eyes of her soul….

Stepping forward, turning from the mockers and those who would jeer,

She began to pick up the pieces of the glass…

In them, she could see her reflection and with each piece, there was a flash

Of a distant memory that threatened to kill her spirit.

She continued to piece these jagged shards until they, together formed an image…

With a gasp, she peered into her reflection and what she saw nearly took her breath away…

A lone tear fell from her eyes and the glass became like new

Standing in front of herself, she took one step forward, into her future.

You see, the pieces that threatened to kill her were what brought her to her future…

She walked through the looking glass, brand new, whole, revived,

And those who saw her, those who laughed and mocked, bowed in awe at the beauty that lay before them

The true beauty that always was seen within the recesses of her soul

But now shone through her like a ray of light.

 

Who I Am Inside

       One thing I have learned over the course of the last several months, is that all of humanity is different, yet in some ways, we are the same. I happen to be the more intense type, taking most everything seriously. This side of me is there for a reason...I am an artist. I have learned to embrace what I would call my flaws and make them my strengths. It is within this side that I have hated for years, that I found the place where I could truly be myself through my writings along with the love that I possess for those around me.
       I also am always looking for answers. Most of the questions that I ask, people scratch their heads wondering who would think or ask such a thing. I have long gotten over being self-conscience because I have learned that if you never ask, you will never know. I remember as a small child asking a question in Sunday school only to be told that I ask too many questions, and for heaven's sake, please put my hand down. I'm sure I was continually interrupting the lesson with my questions, and if I would've just listened, my question would be answered. But my mind had a way of jumping ahead, and seeing the future and planning and trying to understand everything there is to understand about a subject. Even to this very day I ask questions that no one can answer.
       Either way you look at it, I always felt different than everyone around me. I used to think there was something terribly wrong with me because I wouldn't grasp humor quite as fast, or it took me a little longer to catch onto something new. Truth be told, I wouldn't change any of the above about myself because it has made me a better person all around. Because I am sensitive, I can relate what it feels like to someone else if they are hurt. Because I am aware when something isn't understood in my mind, I am more apt to be patient with another soul who becomes confused along the way. Because I am inquisitive, I am most likely very happy to answer as many questions that are asked of me. All of these things that I loathed for so long, that set me apart, are now my ally.
       I know what it feels like to be misunderstood. I understand the child who feels bullied or the girl who feels betrayed. I sense when something is amiss. Most of the time, I can tell when something is wrong and the other person pretends that it's not. I have the ability to see beyond the words and fake smiles. The "everything is GREAT" that becomes overkill to the world behind the mask of someone struggling deep inside is rarely ever missed by my observations.
       I want to end by sharing something that greatly helped me open my eyes just this past weekend. I was sitting there in my pew at church and listening intently, when several points were given on how to treat others. I always thought that I knew how to treat other people because of where I had been in life with the people who mistreated me and my family. I actually thought that I was the best friend anyone could ever have! How prideful we become when we actually have the audacity to think that we have arrived in an area! It's human nature to stand in pride once in a while, but pride sure does have a way of being very painful when it falls. We should always be striving to be a better person, a better friend.
       The following points just opened my eyes a tad wider to the needs of those around me whether it be: the struggling author, the hopeful businessman, the scared little girl, the angry driver, the hyper child, the scarce secretary, the distant authority figure. The list can go on and on. In the end, we don't always know what makes the other person "tick." We might think we know someone, but half of the time, most everyone is putting on a show. It might take a little to get to the real person inside. There is always a reason why someone does things the way they do or why they see something a little differently than you. Be kind to everybody because everybody is having a  tough time.

1.) Give the other person the benefit of the doubt.
2.) Assume the best, not the worst.
3.) Remember, you only heard one side of the story. There are ALWAYS two sides to every story.
4.) Even if you SAW it yourself, remember, you only saw ONE view point.
5.) Don't take it personally.
6.) Even when the other person is having a bad moment, it's our job to absorb each other's bad moments.
7.) Love and help the needy person, regardless of where they fit in.

The Lost River, Found

 Winding roads snake through mountainous rock

Overlooking a sparkling ribbon of blue

Leaves are changing, falling downward

Windows down, the breeze assaults ones' senses

Bringing a feeling of blissful nostalgia

A reminder that there is still resilient beauty still remaining

The crackle of a roaring fire

Hoists ones' senses into a sort of haze

Blinking, bowing ones' head in silence

Heart beats fast and breath erodes sporadically

Déjà vu resonates into the wilderness

Bringing into mind the field of wildflowers

The sounds of howling coyote or perhaps a hunting dog

Off in the distance, echoing through the stillness

Running freely with great abandon

Never looking back on what was

Only looking ever forward towards the tree line

Singing at the top of ones' lungs

Not a single care in the world

Simple bystanders raise their brows in wonder

Calling out to see if all is well

One doesn't feel the need to explain this state of pure ecstasy

Because knowing that this is real life

Understanding that this memory will last a lifetime

Is all that really matters down at the lost river, found.

 

 

 

Can We Go Back?

       Simple everyday living is often taken for granted. I have learned over the past couple of days that living in the moment, focusing on what's the most important, is what really matters. Sometimes we go too far one way, and it's just too much. It's almost like we set a goal that is so far out of reach that it's ridiculous and impossible. Then the mind shuts down, and everything we had hoped to accomplish is tossed aside. It's like we forget that for one moment in our life we had this dream, this spark, this desire to even set this goal. We forget how we felt at that moment. Sometimes, when I am in that exact moment, I want to just pick up a controller and push pause...then rewind just a tad, and feel that way over and over. Or, I want to take a canning jar and scoop it all inside and seal it tightly so I can feel that way whenever I want to...whenever I feel as if my world is spinning and I'm in a whirlwind. But, alas, this is what we call life. We can't go back in time, and we can't go forward. What really matters is the here and now. What counts is this moment, this time that you are currently standing in...I can get in my car and go to a farmer's market and breathe in the sweet smells of the countryside, and open my eyes wide and take in all of the beauty of the fruits, vegetables and flowers....gaze out over the fields of apple trees and watch the cows as they graze in the pasture. I can pull up instagram with my phone and take pictures of my children swinging and being goofy. I can record their laugh as they just about laugh at everything I do. Or, take for instance, a few nights ago, I decided to take a sunset walk with my Charity. As she held my hand and just talked to me, it was the most precious memory I've ever made. She is growing up so fast, and it's kinda scary. I'm taking a hold of every single moment, those little things become big memories later on in life. The very fact that my JW will take his blanket, wrap it around himself and roll around on the floor when he is out and out bored, is hilarious to me. I usually pick him up and tickle him or have him sit next to me as I hold him close. He's my cuddle bug, and I treasure that. It's the arguing about the best way to make bbq chicken as Josh and I cook together, then the hugs by the kitchen sink, the kisses by the stove. Or how I will be inspired about a spot in my book, and sit down and type as fast as I can between oven timers and stove alarms. Can we go back in time? No, and we can't go forward either....but we can live in the moment.

Of Coffee and Post Stamps...

       Have you ever had one of those days where it's probably better to lock yourself in a room away from everyone and anyone? Sure! We've all been there, including myself. Or, the possibility, you could maybe, just maybe climb into bed, pull the covers over your head, close your eyes and wake up on the "flip-side" could be another one of those days. What do we do when these days happen? Do we give in to these emotions, blaming this or that? Do we yell at the post-man or scream at the Dunkin Donuts barista? My years of experience tell me that this isn't the way to handle life. It's best to just ignore those feelings, tell yourself it's going to be ok, smile and talk sweetly. As much as we want to give attitude or really tell that person what we are thinking, in the end, when your mind is clear and those feelings are gone, things will be worse and feelings will be hurt. I have learned that it's better to not say anything if my words are going to hurt someone. It's better not to throw salt on someones wounds, and it's better to think everything through before responding in any given situation. Have I perfected this? No, but I do believe that I am getting better and better every single day. It's alright if you when you get home, away from everyone, to have a really good cry. Crying has a way of cleansing the soul and healing emotion. As a writer/artist, emotions do seem to be more magnified. If you are an artist of any kind, you know exactly what I am saying. You know that the creative side of your personality has a way of allowing you to feel and see everything a little differently than the rest of the world. Learning to work with your personality, and learning to control yourself is a must. Not everyone gets that. Not everyone can see or understand when you are having a melt-down. Some of us have a gift...a gift that enhances our ability to get and understand how others are feeling. Sometimes we have a way of reading between the lines or understanding what is going on with another person without them having to say anything.
       So, to wrap things up, why don't we purpose to take control of our emotions, to allow ourselves to feel, but to keep them in check and take care of them at the appropriate time. No, it's not fair to holler at the mail-man or pound our fist on the counter at our favorite coffee shop because the first sip you take is one of solid sugar. :-) I'm smiling as I write this because being human can be hilarious when you think about it! Allow yourself to be human, but learn from your mistakes and move on with your everyday living. Chow!

Sweet Wild Rose

Her bite is bittersweet, cutting down one’s pride yet soothing one’s soul

Her touch is effervescent, relieving one’s inner wounds and healing one’s fear

How I long to sweep her off her feet, how I desire to make her mine

How I treasure every single minute, hold close every single word spoken

How I close my eyes and imagine the life we would share on this earth

Walking hand in hand, sharing our innermost thoughts and feelings

How I lay back and I see what we could be, the best of friends

Though many would mock me to scorn and say I’m truly gone mad

Though it would be an outrage, a disaster in the making

I simply cannot care, for to lose her would be to lose a piece of my heart…

That piece that is most vital to my mortality, that part that is needed to keep me alive

I must not let go of this sweet soul, sent my way for this very purpose

I must pull her out of her field of wildflowers, for she stands out among them all, my sweet wild rose.

 

Far Away

I can feel you ever so close, your presence is real, your very essence

I close my eyes and breathe, like a brush of an angel’s wing across my face

Finger-tips brush my own, the faint scent of your perfume

Tears roll down my face, I clasp my hands in front of me and embrace this moment

A moment that comes and goes, a moment that is but too brief

I know you are there, I can feel you…

I can’t see you, but my spirit feels yours, so close, yet so far away

I raise my hand and touch your invisible one

I hear your voice inside my head, I see your smile, your laughter, your love

I open my eyes and then you are gone….running after you, come back to me

Don’t go away, I need you here beside me, I need to know you will stay

Chasing a mirage, sinking to the ground in desperation, a spiral of smoke and you are gone

I can’t see you, I can’t feel you, I can’t find you….where did you go?

It’s like you are hidden, far away, never to return, gone, gone, gone….

I can’t hear you anymore, your voice is but a whisper, your scent but a distant memory

Hidden from this world, far away in another world…gone until the time is right…

My human mind can’t understand this, my brain is but a fog, my memory but a vapor

All I feel is the love you left behind, placed in those near to me.