A Little of This and That

       I have come to the conclusion that at this very moment in time, I feel as if I have nothing left to give. I've given and given of myself only to feel as if the reservoir has run dry. I don't feel selfish...only a sense of sadness as I look at what I've given and done in the past 16 months of my life. I enjoy helping others, but sometimes it grows old giving and giving and giving of yourself only to see that what you've done or thought you've done is thrown to the wind. Is it even possible to feel a sense of accomplishment in the line of work I do?  There has to be something because I don't do this for me anyway, but when I see those who don't want to move forward with life but instead say things like, " I really don't care," and you know that they mean it, you begin to wonder what in the world am I doing? 
       So, I look at my own two kids and I see that they are the most precious treasures in my life...a resource of true LOVE. They open my eyes to the reality of family, friendship and a source of self-worth. When I look into my daughter's eyes, I see a confident person....when I hold my son, I feel a deep unconditional love. They are so oblivious to this cold, dark world that we live in. They have no idea what it feels like to be stabbed in the back or lied to on a regular basis. In fact, I call these the "innocent years" that they are now living. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the time when the only thing I worried about was when I had to come inside because it was too dark out to play, where I lived in a "dream world" of playing and acting out books with my sister, where the only thing that was on my mind was what I was doing at the current moment....I didn't have to worry about the future or even recall what I did in the past. I think we, as adults, spend too much time thinking about the past and focusing on the future....we forget what it's like to be a kid and just worry about right now, the moment, this present state...
        My mind is so tired right now and my heart is heavy....I have so much to think about but I think that a good night's rest will soothe my saddened soul...

True JUSTICE

       I feel the need to say your name

       With angry sighs and great disdain

       For how can you a human be

       Walking tall, and almost free

       You will not be forever be free

       For in your own chains you will be

       Bound by lies you dare to speak

       It's true justice we all will seek

       How can you stand there like a stone

       And barely a tear or emotion is shown

       How can you live with this monster inside

       Knowing that your own baby has died?

       You only show what you want to be seen

       But truth be told your soul isn't clean

       You knew that your dear baby had died

       Yet partied and acted like she's by your side

You think you're not guilty with lies thrown around

Yet your little Caylee is still in the ground

One day you will meet the ultimate JUDGE

And from the real verdict, He will not budge

For that is when true JUSTICE is served

No jury will be making you unnerved

And you cannot run for your fate will be sealed

The TRUTH will make these mortal wounds healed.

*About the sad Casey Anthony trial...had to get my thoughts on paper and move on...

      

For Those Who Cannot Speak

       I am a person with feelings too
          I may be small but I have dreams
       I love you with all of my little heart
         And although it always seems
       You don't want me around
          All I want to do is make you proud...

       I have small hands and a small feet
         A small nose and tiny ears
               When I laugh, it's at you and those near
         For you are my whole life
       And I don't even feel your strife...

            I don't know why you don't want me
        You are my everything
      Yet, you don't want me near
         I only want your true love
       I was given to you from above...

       I want to rest in sweet peace
         But I hope you can eventually too
       For I never did anything to you
         To make you hate me
        I only said, "I love you, Mommy!"
         But I don't think you saw me...

       I want to say I forgive you,Mom
          I only wanted you to love me
       Even though you didn't want me
          I want to place my hand in yours
       As we rest between the stars...


*while thinking about the Casey Anthony-trial...RIP Cailey Marie Anthony