I Have a Question

I have a general question, "Who can really be themselves without fear of judgment?" I grew up kind of hiding who I really was because of the judgmental people all around me. I have to say that I still kind of hide because so many people think that theirs is the only way to live this life. I think that if we could really be totally free of this weight, we could really be free to live our lives to God's way....just because you think one way is the ONLY way, why do you really have to make it a point to tell someone how they are living is wrong? That, my friend, is the Holy Spirit's department. Say, I do something you don't approve of, is it really your place to put me in "my place" and "make sure I get back on track?" I may sound that I am frustrated, but I watch over and over this judgmental spirit and how it attacks the church family from the inside out....we can't seem to get over ourselves and truly love "the brethren." Seriously, what do you think the meaning of LOVE is? Love is giving of yourself totally and irrevocably to the other person without wanting anything in return. So, there are few people that I have met who truly know the meaning of that word. Two of those people are great men of God, and one is my dad...he taught me a few years ago that most Christians don't really know what LOVE is. The case being, most are constantly gossiping and saying things before they even think of the consequences. I really know deep in my heart that I haven't arrived, but I can honestly look you in the eye and say that I am on my way because I want to love like Jesus loved while He walked on this Earth. I know that HE LOVED publicans and sinners....that would be like loving politicians and drug lords today....not only that, but it would also be like loving the person who just made a mistake and just wants to come back to church....loving the person who went off and committed adultery or even had an abortion.....loving the drunk, the drug addict, the homosexual, the person next to you who tries to be a good American citizen. Why can't we as Christians see this? Oh, we say that we know love, but we don't.
We say that we accept people, but the looks say it all. Why do you think that people say, "The tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife!" That's a famous statement because not only can you tell how someone feels by their body language but also, you can feel how someone feels because you can feel how someone feels about you. I could be standing perfectly still and thinking that I can't stand you as I talk...all the while, a smile can be painted on my face, and I could be agreeing with you by nodding and saying that what you're saying is awesome....but you aren't fooled. Most people aren't that good at hiding their emotions. I can stand and talk to someone and really tell if they are listening or if they judge me. I can stand and talk to you, look you in the eye, and be able to tell if you are real. I am not gifted; most people can sense how you feel about them. It's what some would call "the sixth sense."
So, my question is this, "Do I live what I speak?" I truly am working on myself. I truly have a lot to learn. Hey, I am trying to see if I can gain my Master's Degree, and I am almost 30! I really don't know what direction I will be taking, but I do know that I will not leave God behind, nor will I cease from teaching my own children what the meaning of true love is. They learn the best by my own actions. So, as I strive to better myself, I will constantly be reminding myself of these improvements and adjustments that are needed in own life.

TODAY, There is ONE Thing...

I believe in a God Who is always there for me. I believe in a God Who has never once let me down even though I know that I have let Him down over and over. I believe in forgiveness because that's the only way to go forward in this life. I believe in admitting that I am wrong when I am wrong and not trying to cover up that I made a mistake. I will face my biggest fears, and I will stay on the right road because there is no other way to live. When I feel that I am falling down and losing ground, I just get up and put one foot in front of the other because to stay down is to admit defeat. I don't admit defeat because with God, I always win. Yes, I am human, but with the grace and help of my God, I will win and reach my biggest goals and desires. To live without a goal or dream is not to live at all. I have come to this conclusion over and over again. When I am faced with a turn in the road, I still review my life, and I realized that I have not once made a mistake in relying on my God. I am no weaker because I rely on Him, but instead, I am only stronger. It doesn't make you a weak person to depend on a Higher Power, as some would say, but it only makes you stronger because as a human, you can't do anything without the God of the universe. I have faced many difficulties and obstacles in this life, but in all, God has never let me down.
So, today, there is one thing that keeps me going....today, there is a need to continue with my dreams and desires. Today, is the day that I brace myself and keep moving forward. I don't think that this life was intended to be lived with tenseness or strict guidelines. I believe we are intended to enjoy every minute. This will only be accomplished if we live for others. I have goals and dreams, but they include the ones around me, my family. To live only for myself would be to wake up one morning, sad and alone. God, I am moving forward today because, "this thing I do, forgetting those things that are behind and reaching forth unto those are before...."

Together, You and Me

Looking back over my past week, I'm reminded of the friends that I have accumulated over the years and just how much they mean to me. I have only a few close friends, but I also have friendships right now that are blooming. I can honestly look back on my life, and I can count on my hand the friends that have been there for me through thick and thin, the ones that didn't care what I did or who I was. One of those friends is my very own sister. I know that we go for periods of time when we don't speak for a while, but we can usually pick up where we left off. It's actually been a whole year now since I've seen her face, but I still know in my heart that we are close no matter the distance. You see, it's not our earthly bodies that are close but our very own souls, the inner part of us, the real us. If you think about it, we have a side of us that will never die...that's the part that we will never lose, even in death. There are some families that grow apart, but I can look at my family and know in my heart that no matter how many miles separate us, we are still close. My dear brother is in Afghanistan right now, and it gets kind of scary when I don't hear from him in a couple of months...then he suddenly appears on the "radar" again. It's awesome to just "chat" even if it isn't in person.
I watch my own children, and I see a bond being formed between them. It's Chary and Bubba, friends forever! I know that they always do everything together, and that's the best kind of family, a family that forms a friendship, the only people that know the real you. I know that we each have our faults, but my family can look past that. We belong together, forever.